deepundergroundpoetry.com
In Bloom
We keep a glass table filled with pills and
The shadows of ten candles dance in doom.
I caress her skin and she gets the chills.
What we have will never leave this room.
We pass a bottle and sip and spill as
Music and moans set the mood.
We add an inch to every line for a thrill and
She cracks the windows to see the moon.
We mix drugs and call it a skill.
Then watch as the black roses bloom.
She says she likes the way it feels but
There is no escape from the burnt spoon.
Her skin begins to turn to silk as
My heart stutters and face gets blue.
They say narcotic hills tend to kill but
I look away because I'm already ruined.
The shadows of ten candles dance in doom.
I caress her skin and she gets the chills.
What we have will never leave this room.
We pass a bottle and sip and spill as
Music and moans set the mood.
We add an inch to every line for a thrill and
She cracks the windows to see the moon.
We mix drugs and call it a skill.
Then watch as the black roses bloom.
She says she likes the way it feels but
There is no escape from the burnt spoon.
Her skin begins to turn to silk as
My heart stutters and face gets blue.
They say narcotic hills tend to kill but
I look away because I'm already ruined.
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likes 15
reading list entries 2
comments 27
reads 1200
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. In Bloom
3rd Apr 2016 11:09pm
Pretty powerful!!
I liked how you swayed back n' forth between imagery and the fact that you kept the poem in couplet form made the thoughts organized.
My only contention is that each couplet felt like a statement rather than smooth flow, which easily can be fixed with a slight edit.
I liked how you swayed back n' forth between imagery and the fact that you kept the poem in couplet form made the thoughts organized.
My only contention is that each couplet felt like a statement rather than smooth flow, which easily can be fixed with a slight edit.
1
Re: Re. In Bloom
3rd Apr 2016 11:11pm
Re. In Bloom
4th Apr 2016 00:07am
A haunting piece William...and enough imagery for me to picture it in my head as well as feel the hopelessness, the longing, the devastated souls...
And the couplet...'I caress her skin and she gets the chills...What we have will never leave this room' bounded off the page for me...hopelessness, co-dependency, secrecy and so much more
And the couplet...'I caress her skin and she gets the chills...What we have will never leave this room' bounded off the page for me...hopelessness, co-dependency, secrecy and so much more
1
Re: Re. In Bloom
4th Apr 2016 1:18am
Re. In Bloom
Damn! Deep! Damn! Potent! Pretty damn potent stuff...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"She says she likes the way it feels but
There is no escape from the burnt spoon.
Her skin begins to turn to silk as
My heart stutters and face gets blue.
They say narcotic hills tend to kill but
I look away because I'm already ruined." <--- love it! Enjoyed!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"She says she likes the way it feels but
There is no escape from the burnt spoon.
Her skin begins to turn to silk as
My heart stutters and face gets blue.
They say narcotic hills tend to kill but
I look away because I'm already ruined." <--- love it! Enjoyed!
1
Re: Re. In Bloom
4th Apr 2016 5:19am
Re. In Bloom
4th Apr 2016 9:15am
added a touch of romance to the desolation,
w/the moonlight & black roses.
stark piece...
w/the moonlight & black roses.
stark piece...
1
Re: Re. In Bloom
9th Apr 2016 8:27pm
Re. In Bloom
24th Jun 2016 9:55pm
I caress her skin and she gets the chills.
What we have will never leave this room.
When you write you cut, into the like wounded, deeply
What we have will never leave this room.
When you write you cut, into the like wounded, deeply
1
Re. In Bloom
28th May 2018 9:42pm
dearest Rainy this is a dark, raw , for real poem
i'm a former heroin addict
I can relate to the deep pain of this poem..
awesome..
love Crim
i'm a former heroin addict
I can relate to the deep pain of this poem..
awesome..
love Crim
1
Re. In Bloom
25th Dec 2018 00:49am
Re. In Bloom
31st Oct 2019 4:43am
"We pass a bottle and sip and spill as
Music and moans set the mood. "
Nice line
before the sad ending
broke the little bit of heart i have left <3
Music and moans set the mood. "
Nice line
before the sad ending
broke the little bit of heart i have left <3
1
Re: Re. In Bloom
31st Oct 2019 4:50am
Re: Re. In Bloom
31st Oct 2019 4:55am
much love
its okay
broken hearts are an opportunity to
create a better fitting puzzle.
<3
its okay
broken hearts are an opportunity to
create a better fitting puzzle.
<3
1
Re: Re. In Bloom
31st Oct 2019 5:01am
I agree <3 I'm imagining you have a very interesting perspective of the world!
Re. In Bloom
17th Mar 2020 4:44am
Re: Re. In Bloom
17th Mar 2020 4:46am
Thank you. You really seem to like my work. I cant wait to read more of yours!
Re. In Bloom
12th Apr 2020 8:40am
Re: Re. In Bloom
12th Apr 2020 8:55am
Re. In Bloom
24th Sep 2020 1:49am
Re: Re. In Bloom
8th Oct 2020 5:18am
Re. In Bloom
Anonymous
15th Sep 2021 10:49am
Wow Rainy……this has very deep emotions……..each line filled with beauty…….luv the visuals your words provoke…….purple luv & hugs xo :)
1
Re: Re. In Bloom
15th Sep 2021 11:02am
Those a very nice things to say.
I appreciate you taking the time to read them. They were getting dusty lol
I appreciate you taking the time to read them. They were getting dusty lol
Re. In Bloom
13th Nov 2021 1:11pm
The thinness of the line between darkness and passionate love has been put to words incredibly well.
Great write.
Great write.
1
Re: Re. In Bloom
13th Nov 2021 1:15pm
Thanks for taking the time to read. I really appreciate it. Especially an older piece like this. Very cool of you!
Re. In Bloom
2nd Jan 2023 2:41am
The black rose blooms as a life is extinguished prematurely... I concur with seekingkate in that your poem is indeed haunting. The narrator evidently knows what the result will be, but they're powerless to stop it. Haunting indeed...
1
Re: Re. In Bloom
30th Mar 2023 4:59am
Thank you for taking the time to read and I truly appreciate to our I'm input!