It's amazing what u can't live in

It's amazing what you can't live in
some call it the past, a former life
river of sorrows, insomnia at night
I can't give it a name
I just know I can't live there or I'll die from the pain
So alone today so I took some steps
recalling it all in a single breath
Started at age 3 where I saw my first parade,
Caught my first candy, Rode the merry go round
Smoked my first cigarette, threw it on the ground
Made my first wish at the fountain
Bought my mom her first gift with my own money,
a piano jewelry box from the pharmacy
went on my bike to the custard shop-ate those styrofoam saucers with candy inside.
That women's center where my first pregnancy test lied.

Where I got my first job as a bus girl
And the prom dress I bought But never wore
Park I took my own kids to as toddlers The kiddie parade
the fire station event, lots of noise made
when they got in those trucks
Now I'm grown and alone life truly sucks.

I could play out tons of scenes from each part of my life on the main square stage, but I need to move on and just keep turning the page. Life is not what I thought it would be and it's amazing what you can't live in. Can't live in the past it's already gone. can't fight for a future when the one u want is wrong. So I live in the moment. is that living?
the past is a thorn
and the present is a gift to be worn.
What is my future...I don't really know, but it won't be anything if I can't let my past Go.