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I love you. I hate you (revised)
I stand here, forced to bear the monstrous truth
about this thing that turned out to be my life
[i]We are here together but you are not truly ‘here” with me
What does it mean when you say that you meant
every word at the time?
How could you tell me day after day for a decade
that you love me completely and that you want to
spent forever with me, that you respect me and
care for me and can’t live without me?
You made me trust completely in you and then turn around
and claim to have stopped loving me…
You can’t believe I didn’t know that you where seeing
someone else because you did not hide it and did not lie…?
So now it is my fault that you fell out of love with me
cause I trusted you.
Because of that trust you made decision after decision
to betray me, destroy me, murder me…
Even in my darkest moments – when I only wanted to
stop existing, breathing…
Fall to my knees and beg you to stop turning
the knive in my heart- I still have to face the facts:
I have no choice in my love for you anymore.
I have come too far, gave too much and have nothing left for someone else.
I can only accept what little you toss my way
Smiling and thanking you for it but all the while knowing
that I will never be able to trust in you again.
Your word mean nothing anymore
You have shown me that you don’t really care, never did…
You showed me less consideration than you would a stranger.
But despite it all I know that I cannot stop loving you
it is not in my power, I cannot control it.
It would be easier to stop breathing.
To stop my heart from beating with just a thought,
To will my blood to stop flowing…
[i]The legacy you have left of my life is this:
I am broken and will never mend
I have lost all trust in the world and people.
I will never show my true self again to this world.
No one will ever get past the ruins left inside of me
You took my last innocence and I will never again know
the freedom, comfort and security of just being myself
I will never again know love without pain.
Never again see the line between love and hate,
For me there is none anymore.
[i]Sometimes you forget and show me a glimpse of the man
I fell in love with and whom loved me and made me so
many promises that you never planned to keep.
Then I see the stranger whom I hate with a burning
self destructive intensity.
The stranger who carelessly broke my heart.
Who is still lying to me every day thinking that
I am to stupid to know about all the other women.
I love you completely. I hate you intensely.
I wish I never met you or fell in love with you.
That I never gave myself, everything I was, to you.
I wish I could go back and stick to my guns to
Never allow any man to ever own my heart and
have the power to hurt me and destroy me.
[i]I wish I could just forget that I ever loved you
That I could just kick you out and close the doors to my heart
That I could stop loving you
That I could hate you…
You’re my angel who gave me a reason to live
Taking my love and making me promise after promise
that you never intended to keep.
You’re my demon who waited until I had nothing else to give
and then took your time and pleasure in breaking me down
Destroying everything that I am and ever could be
I love you
I hate you
I wish I could leave
This place
this time
this life...
[/i][/i][/i][/i]
about this thing that turned out to be my life
[i]We are here together but you are not truly ‘here” with me
What does it mean when you say that you meant
every word at the time?
How could you tell me day after day for a decade
that you love me completely and that you want to
spent forever with me, that you respect me and
care for me and can’t live without me?
You made me trust completely in you and then turn around
and claim to have stopped loving me…
You can’t believe I didn’t know that you where seeing
someone else because you did not hide it and did not lie…?
So now it is my fault that you fell out of love with me
cause I trusted you.
Because of that trust you made decision after decision
to betray me, destroy me, murder me…
Even in my darkest moments – when I only wanted to
stop existing, breathing…
Fall to my knees and beg you to stop turning
the knive in my heart- I still have to face the facts:
I have no choice in my love for you anymore.
I have come too far, gave too much and have nothing left for someone else.
I can only accept what little you toss my way
Smiling and thanking you for it but all the while knowing
that I will never be able to trust in you again.
Your word mean nothing anymore
You have shown me that you don’t really care, never did…
You showed me less consideration than you would a stranger.
But despite it all I know that I cannot stop loving you
it is not in my power, I cannot control it.
It would be easier to stop breathing.
To stop my heart from beating with just a thought,
To will my blood to stop flowing…
[i]The legacy you have left of my life is this:
I am broken and will never mend
I have lost all trust in the world and people.
I will never show my true self again to this world.
No one will ever get past the ruins left inside of me
You took my last innocence and I will never again know
the freedom, comfort and security of just being myself
I will never again know love without pain.
Never again see the line between love and hate,
For me there is none anymore.
[i]Sometimes you forget and show me a glimpse of the man
I fell in love with and whom loved me and made me so
many promises that you never planned to keep.
Then I see the stranger whom I hate with a burning
self destructive intensity.
The stranger who carelessly broke my heart.
Who is still lying to me every day thinking that
I am to stupid to know about all the other women.
I love you completely. I hate you intensely.
I wish I never met you or fell in love with you.
That I never gave myself, everything I was, to you.
I wish I could go back and stick to my guns to
Never allow any man to ever own my heart and
have the power to hurt me and destroy me.
[i]I wish I could just forget that I ever loved you
That I could just kick you out and close the doors to my heart
That I could stop loving you
That I could hate you…
You’re my angel who gave me a reason to live
Taking my love and making me promise after promise
that you never intended to keep.
You’re my demon who waited until I had nothing else to give
and then took your time and pleasure in breaking me down
Destroying everything that I am and ever could be
I love you
I hate you
I wish I could leave
This place
this time
this life...
[/i][/i][/i][/i]
Published 5th Jul 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Anonymous
6th Jul 2011 6:13pm
<< post removed >>
7th Jul 2011 7:29am
Thanx Tammy! Coming from you this means so much. This was the first poem I published on DU and I did not really work on it then. Just wrote it down as fast as my mind could conjure the words. I have learned so much already from other people on here and decided to try and revise it.
Your comment means that I have done something right!
Thank you so much!!!
Your comment means that I have done something right!
Thank you so much!!!
