deepundergroundpoetry.com
Her
She's the women
You imagined
Stepford wife
She sit's with Hands clasped tightly
Courtney Loves drunken sister
Resonates within
Her wilted box keeps disintegrating
Her barricades
Useless
Soaking filth from the ground
She would cry
Tears dry
Salt is only producing
She's a mist uncontrolled
Wild growing daisy
Sitting in a ticky tack
Garden
She sees freedom
Fake
Placed in the deserts hot sun
Thirsty
Last drink
Now haunts
Suited up in her dress
She carries on
Fragmented
Dissapointing denial
You imagined
Stepford wife
She sit's with Hands clasped tightly
Courtney Loves drunken sister
Resonates within
Her wilted box keeps disintegrating
Her barricades
Useless
Soaking filth from the ground
She would cry
Tears dry
Salt is only producing
She's a mist uncontrolled
Wild growing daisy
Sitting in a ticky tack
Garden
She sees freedom
Fake
Placed in the deserts hot sun
Thirsty
Last drink
Now haunts
Suited up in her dress
She carries on
Fragmented
Dissapointing denial
Published 3rd Mar 2016
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The author encourages honest critique.
8th Mar 2016 3:37pm
Really intriguing write here Kara. Great word choice and presentation, really appreciated how you choice to break the flow of the poem up with the single word lines, but still kept the overall poem moving along at a steady, almost story-telling pace.
Once piece of advice I will say though, and maybe this is just me...but I think you might have benefited from adding a picture. The reason I say that is sometimes adding something visual to a poem can help portray the message, or tone you are trying to get across. That's just my thought though, either way really strong write, keep it up. Cheers,
19xx
Once piece of advice I will say though, and maybe this is just me...but I think you might have benefited from adding a picture. The reason I say that is sometimes adding something visual to a poem can help portray the message, or tone you are trying to get across. That's just my thought though, either way really strong write, keep it up. Cheers,
19xx
9th Mar 2016 7:13am
Thank you so much! Glad you liked it. Advice is always welcomed. I have actually thought of using images. I'm just so damn picky. I can never decide which one shows "her" the best.
9th Mar 2016 1:51pm
Try looking for pictures that capture the mood rather then the actual character or "Her" if you need an idea of what I mean check out the picture I posted in my poem "Simply Believe 2" hope that helps a little bit, cheers
19xx
19xx
