Late Night Thoughts

What makes me do the things I do?
Why am I driven to work hard?
Well hard enough anyway
Like I give a fuck
But I actually do
 
I always get hung up on girls
I don’t know,
I like spending quality time with girls I like
But I can’t ever be alone with them
Ever
It’s like the universe wants me to be single
For the rest of my life
 
What’s it worth anyway—marriage  
Companionship, or whatever you wanna call it
Its weird
We all crave it
But a lot of us never get it
I’m so stressed out sometimes
I wish some people would notice
I don’t show it, but I’m really damaged
I am damaged goods; Baggage,  
If you will
 
I smoke too much
I drink too much
I am a terrible student
I do the bare minimum
Just to get by
I hate myself
Who wants to love someone
Who can’t even love himself?
 
Whatever
It’s 4:03 AM right now
I live on the east coast of America
I have class and homework and responsibilities tomorrow
That I have to deal with
 
The girl I like works so much
I feel bad because I can never hang out with her
She came over today because I wanted to ‘Netflix and Chill’
Movie and some sex would have been nice
But I really just wanted to spend quality time with her
And cuddle with her—you know companionship or whatever
 
The worst part is I can’t bring myself to tell her
That I have strong feelings for her
That I want to spend quality alone time with her
And not in a weird sexual way
I just wanna be with her, you know?
 
But what if she rejects me
Because she thinks I am becoming too attached
Or that it looks like I am coming off desperate
I would hate for an opportunity like this to fade
She even likes the same music as me!
 
Now I understand what my sister meant
“You’re gonna meet someone who is exactly like you,
She will like everything you do and be just like you”
Well I don’t know if she's just like me,
but we like the same music
That’s a start, right?
 
I would love to show her this poem/short story
If only I could send it to her anonymously  
What the hell is this I am writing right now at 4:11 AM
I am in my roommate’s room while he finishes his homework
Which is due tomorrow at 9:00 AM
I should probably sleep now
Goodnight  
Lol