deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Moment of Release
“I’m considered by many to be half dead
That’s because energy is swimming in my head,
“Causing my blood to boil and pulsate,
If this shit keeps up, my killing will activate,
“The first person I see is the first person got
Becoming the main recipient of a gunshot,
“Putting two more in their motherfucking ass,
Making sure their dead duty eternally last,
“Just consider it a deadly play for the stage
Sending another victim to the grave,
“With all this killing my headache is now easing up
But my attitude is still I don’t give a fuck,
“Covered from head to toe in gory blood
Layed out dazed on an old dirty-ass rug,
“Now I realize my insane illusions are hard at work
As I’m strapped to a chair and the electricity makes my body jerk.”
That’s because energy is swimming in my head,
“Causing my blood to boil and pulsate,
If this shit keeps up, my killing will activate,
“The first person I see is the first person got
Becoming the main recipient of a gunshot,
“Putting two more in their motherfucking ass,
Making sure their dead duty eternally last,
“Just consider it a deadly play for the stage
Sending another victim to the grave,
“With all this killing my headache is now easing up
But my attitude is still I don’t give a fuck,
“Covered from head to toe in gory blood
Layed out dazed on an old dirty-ass rug,
“Now I realize my insane illusions are hard at work
As I’m strapped to a chair and the electricity makes my body jerk.”
Published 24th Feb 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 0
comments 10
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The author encourages honest critique.
24th Feb 2016 11:59pm
Goddamn Casket, your ass has done gone and become "Natural Born Killers" meets "Saw" meets "American Psycho" and finally, to culminate them all, meets "The Purge."
“With all this killing my headache is now easing up
But my attitude is still I don’t give a fuck,"
Hey, You know, those migraines are a bitch so, if it takes a killing-spree for a little relief, then I say " Go for it" Mr. Reaper.
Pan
“With all this killing my headache is now easing up
But my attitude is still I don’t give a fuck,"
Hey, You know, those migraines are a bitch so, if it takes a killing-spree for a little relief, then I say " Go for it" Mr. Reaper.
Pan
26th Feb 2016 1:38pm
Cut, cut. Slice, slice. Lol! Thanks Pan. Sometimes aspirin does not help. Lol!
25th Feb 2016 10:51pm
Think you've pretty well captured the thoughts of someone who's on that mindset CS ...
The first stanza was like reading the words spoken by someone I know describing how it feels for them ... they're being treated for a mental health disorder ...
The first stanza was like reading the words spoken by someone I know describing how it feels for them ... they're being treated for a mental health disorder ...
I feel you, but in this case their treatment is going to be a permanent one. Thank you as always for reading and commenting.
27th Feb 2016 8:03pm
Dark poem indeed, you know perfectly how to balance here :)
I'll focus in these verses though:
"“Putting two more in their motherfucking ass,
Making sure their dead duty eternally last,"
Loved it! First of all, I like that you write "two more" and not "a couple more", it's a very nice detail to know that "two" will do the job.
You hit the point G directly, in order to kill! Lol!! :))
Secondly, "dead duty" is very clever! In a third level reading (unconscious), the mind goes to "Dead beauty" instead, which is a wonderful catch!
"eternally last", very melodic... instead of "last eternally" and you have three "l" in two words, one next to the other, great sound and it certainly lasts!
Very good job the whole of it, and with various parts to unlock (an ache in the head, sitting there with cruel thoughts, playing a game with them and let's see who will win...) lol!
Really enjoyed it :)
Kiss,
Art
I'll focus in these verses though:
"“Putting two more in their motherfucking ass,
Making sure their dead duty eternally last,"
Loved it! First of all, I like that you write "two more" and not "a couple more", it's a very nice detail to know that "two" will do the job.
You hit the point G directly, in order to kill! Lol!! :))
Secondly, "dead duty" is very clever! In a third level reading (unconscious), the mind goes to "Dead beauty" instead, which is a wonderful catch!
"eternally last", very melodic... instead of "last eternally" and you have three "l" in two words, one next to the other, great sound and it certainly lasts!
Very good job the whole of it, and with various parts to unlock (an ache in the head, sitting there with cruel thoughts, playing a game with them and let's see who will win...) lol!
Really enjoyed it :)
Kiss,
Art
1st Mar 2016 7:38pm
27th Feb 2016 9:00pm
fascinating - it got me thinking off the less dark and a playstation addict - maybe I am way off base on this one but i enjoyed reading it in that mode :-)
excellent ink :-)
excellent ink :-)
1st Mar 2016 7:42pm
I'm glad that my poem has you thinking outside the box, because a writer can express it one way upon canvas, typing, etc.... and the individual reading/visualizing it can interpret it upon a different aspect, also making the writer see it differently also.
1st Mar 2016 11:08pm
2nd Mar 2016 9:45pm
