Hour of Blades

I know
I am oh so aware
And I wanted to do it now
But it will go unappreciated
So I will hold back
Stand in the shadows and wait
Pick a random time to approach
Because I can't stand the lack of gratitude
The happiness unfelt
The zero meaning in your view
I can feel it later, yes
But not now
Not yet
The midnight second holds darkness
And the minutes tick by with spikes to shed
I can't fall upon the hour of blades
It's self protection from your hurtful ways
See I just can't take anymore rejection
I've taken a lot of that from you
And I can't handle anymore
Sad to say I'm fragile
But that's just the way it is
I'd normally be right there and ready
I actually was, but I couldn't let it count
Had to suppress urges in high amounts
I'm scared to give you praise
And terrified to give encouragement
I'm sick at the thought of trying
Knowing how I'll be mistrusted
Sending you well wishes
For you to interpret as manipulation
Inaccurate perception
But that's never been enough to change your mind
I've pointed them out with genuine hands
Before, but it's like my words were never spoken
And I just can't let that leave me broken
Not anymore, no
I'd rather not speak to go unheard
And so I'll let some time pass
And seclude myself to the depth of numbing silence
While I wait till I'm ready to receive your dismissal
Contemplating how to convey happiness I feel
Without uncertainty seeping through cracks
Because I want to congratulate you
Much more than I want to avoid pain of your cold actions
I couldn't handle the regret of not
So I guess it's worth the risk to me
I know that it's stupidity
But something inside says you deserve to be commended
So here I am, waiting
For the hour of blades to pass
Eager to tell you that I'm happy
That you met your goal and all of that
I'm proud of you for walking
And staying on that path
You're stronger than you thought and
You've got the data and the facts
So now with the proof
I'm sure you finally believe it's truth
And I'll tell you that I always knew
When I'm armored up in suit