deepundergroundpoetry.com
2 x 5 = 10
I stood at the corner
of the burned out building
as they racked up the bodies
in a tidy row
like empty suitcases
crisp and black round the edges
little limbs half covered
glinting in the flashes of blue light
Twins are such a joy
the agony of losing one
must be unbearable
and losing two so young
the fact they remain together
in death
beggars any consolation
I watched their broken Dad
slowly pick his way
through the ashes of the front room
searching for a smoke stained photo
to somehow bring them back
vainly hoping to undo the nightmare
He called me Sir
but I could not
reverse the clock
only bite my lip
even harder
At times like that
all words mean zero
so we need sterner stuff
to make any sense
of life's events
Yet I still ask myself:
In Lewisham that night
God, where were you?
of the burned out building
as they racked up the bodies
in a tidy row
like empty suitcases
crisp and black round the edges
little limbs half covered
glinting in the flashes of blue light
Twins are such a joy
the agony of losing one
must be unbearable
and losing two so young
the fact they remain together
in death
beggars any consolation
I watched their broken Dad
slowly pick his way
through the ashes of the front room
searching for a smoke stained photo
to somehow bring them back
vainly hoping to undo the nightmare
He called me Sir
but I could not
reverse the clock
only bite my lip
even harder
At times like that
all words mean zero
so we need sterner stuff
to make any sense
of life's events
Yet I still ask myself:
In Lewisham that night
God, where were you?
Published 24th Nov 2009
| Edited 18th Jul 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 9
reads 1118
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
24th Nov 2009 6:27pm
You gave me goosebumbs. The theme of death is presented superbly throughout your poem & using twins makes it so much harder on the character in the poem therefore allowing the reader to feel all the more sympathy towards him/her.
I love the way the last line is alone; it's kind of representative of the way the character is left alone after the death of the twins. Also the fact that it questions God after that huge description of the character's pain & suffering helps the reader understand where all his/her anger is coming from & also feels the need to know the answer to the question.
Finally, all I can say is what a fantastic poem this is; I absolutely adored it.
I love the way the last line is alone; it's kind of representative of the way the character is left alone after the death of the twins. Also the fact that it questions God after that huge description of the character's pain & suffering helps the reader understand where all his/her anger is coming from & also feels the need to know the answer to the question.
Finally, all I can say is what a fantastic poem this is; I absolutely adored it.
24th Nov 2009 7:29pm
Your comment shows a perfect understanding
of what I was trying to achieve here. It's
the same style as "Shame in Times Square" but I wanted to try and hit even harder. The way I experience the world means writing this type of poem can take its toll emotionally, so your praise helps swing the pendulum back the other way. Thank you Arryn.
of what I was trying to achieve here. It's
the same style as "Shame in Times Square" but I wanted to try and hit even harder. The way I experience the world means writing this type of poem can take its toll emotionally, so your praise helps swing the pendulum back the other way. Thank you Arryn.
Anonymous
25th Nov 2009 11:54am
so much.
25th Nov 2009 12:50pm
25th Nov 2009 1:35pm
This happened a long time ago and I am still tearful over it - very painful to write.
Anonymous
25th Nov 2009 1:40pm
Beautiful, fragile piece. Very emotive.
What shocked me was that the specific place was mentioned in the penultimate line - Lewisham.
When reading, I somewhow imagined a kind of war-torn city, or invasion.
Reading 'Lewisham' brought it smack bang to the centre of my heart - totally unexpected.
Very powerful.
What shocked me was that the specific place was mentioned in the penultimate line - Lewisham.
When reading, I somewhow imagined a kind of war-torn city, or invasion.
Reading 'Lewisham' brought it smack bang to the centre of my heart - totally unexpected.
Very powerful.
25th Nov 2009 5:02pm
Of course tragedy is no respecter of geography but I found your comments most helpful. It indicates to me is that this piece needs a couple of words to flesh out the description earlier on – but I'm glad you felt the way you did – 'twas my intention. Thank you, Cthonian.
Anonymous
25th Nov 2009 5:10pm
Oh, I wouldn't say it needs anything added - I just perceived it as a kind of war-ravaged street or town, plus Lewisham is known to me as I have friends who live there.
Again, great stuff.
Again, great stuff.
26th Nov 2009 00:43am
Mmm, I could have made it clearer to the reader when describing a dodgy old block of flats if I had including a bit more colour, now to me the use of the word "building" in the poem looks flimsy, but I'm learning - thanks again to you all.
