For my love

These new feelings.
I don't know what to do with them.
Most are happy feelings.
But I have sad ones too.
Alone.
Scared.
Depressed.
I want to be with you.
I want to make you happy.
Only me.
Yet others make you happier.
What do I do?
How can I help?
Why can't it just be me?
So many girls.
The ex.
My heart hurts.
You're talking to her.
My heart is in pain.
My stomach is in pain.
I want to throw up.
Why?
Why are you talking to her?
Weeks ago you wanted nothing to do with her.
Why now?
Will you go back to her?
Leave me behind.
I feel sad.
Alone.
Scared.
Depressed.
I want to cry.
How do I tell you?
I've said a small part.
Yet I feel like it's not enough.
How can you truly understand my feelings?
You ask if I'm okay with it.
If I said no, what would you do?
Still talk to her even when it makes me sad?
Always on your phone.
I feel so unimportant to you.
Do they mean so much more than me?
You say you care about me.
You say the only person you talk to all night long is me.
3 a.m.
Talking till you fall asleep to whoever you are talking with.
You think it doesn't hurt me.
But it does.
Sad.
Alone.
Scared.
Depressed.
When you touch me at night.
I can tell when you are on the phone.
Makes me feel like you don't care about me.
Yet I still love you.
I'll never tell you how much I hurt.
I don't want to hurt you.
I don't want to make you worry about me.
I make you worry about me too much with my depression.
You say you love me.
You say you don't want to hurt me.
I believe you.
So prove it.