Depressing thoughts in a dark time

Thrive in the darkness, know your worth. It is that of the snow flake falling in a storm, unique yet brief and a fleeting gasp to find a purpose and feel importance. A grand illusion, understand you are nothing and reverse your mindset you fucking count for a depressed idiot and you know this. You are an ugly imbecile, you tell yourself everyday. Imprinted on subconscious and consciousness alike. Yet you fear death, you run from the thought of ceasing to exist. Pathetic excuse to lack self worth, you desire knowledge yet the actions you take everyday accomplish nothing. Why am I even here? Why is life so bleak,  is it because you crave love? When you are worthless she is a goddess but can you really make her happy? Sweet words and affection is all you have to offer, gifts and desperate attempts to get love back, even more pathetic. Go from this place, leave and see the world if your problems do not take a back seat to the distractions around you , you truly do not deserve the life and body you have been given. Circles of routines amounting to nothin year after year what a cosmic joke.