The Devil's Cock

 
It began to throb
until he almost felt pain
and he almost regretted  
personally inspecting that last batch of bitches
despatched into Hell on Tuesday
 
They were a manky rabble alright
a bunch of choice well juiced pussies  
crawling with crabs  
and lice the size of cornflakes
If you don't keep it clean down there
those delightful creatures
sure can mash up a girlie's gash
 
No wonder God  
had slammed the pearly gates shut  
as hard as he could in their faces
Those ladies stank better than  
a bucket of fish guts  
steeped in witches piss  
then boiled in the desert for a week
 
Until now  
the 'no whores in heaven' policy  
had suited D's satanic tastes just fine
He got to sample  
the very worst of womankind  
and no matter how evil
they may have been in life
when they straddled  
Lord Lucifer's mighty slit eye
they'd always grovel for mercy  
every time
 
And usually  
the rougher and ranker they were
the more they begged
But that last shower had D stumped
Tuesday's girls  
appeared exceptionally quiet
even after he smeared a generous
clawful of brimstone
right up inside their assholes  
and roasted their nipples  
individually on a spit
they slithered down the bottomless pit
with barely a girlie scream
 
He looked the long way down  
to between his legs
and furrowed his devilish brow
That throbbing was definitely getting worse
Was that what they call a twinge?
So he decided to leave his underling  
Moloch the child molester  
stoking the fires of Hell in his absence
and visit his doctor
before Wednesday's batch of naughties arrived
 
On the cab ride over to the surgery
he could feel his cock dribbling
and every time he crossed his legs
there was a puff of steam
that shot out from inside his pants
 
Now the Devil's physician  
suspected this particular patient  
might not take too kindly to bad news
so he was a tad careful  
how he chose his words
But he was a brave man  
and after a thorough examination  
which was indeed  
an extremely lengthy procedure
he explained things like this:
 
What you've got here, sir  
is the biggest cock
the world has ever seen
Since the Garden of Eden  
it has done its utmost  
to seriously fuck up  
every one of God's plans
 
But I'm afraid  
you're no longer a young Devil
and times have changed radically
since creation began
 
There's an epidemic of STD's  
on the planet
and your cock is riddled  
with every variation known
and a few more hitherto unseen
 
There is medication available
but my advice  
is from now on
it's essential
that you use a condom
at all times  
 
Satan was still giggling
when he got back to Hades that afternoon
Fuck that bollocks
for an icy cold shower,
he laughed
You wont catch me  
wrapping miles of heat proof plastic  
round my wrecking gear  
just before Armageddon
 
I'll just chop this cock off  
and grow a new one...
If God did the universe in seven days
how difficult can it be...  
shouldn't take longer than a week