deepundergroundpoetry.com
Baby Open Up...
Baby open up
your story similar rhymes
I read it's filled with hard times
is rough
Allow me to write in you love
my lyrics go deep beneath the surface
I'm surfin searchin your waters
leave hidden treasures in parts of
you
regardless of who
has wrote(rode) on you before
cuz see the parts they ignore
I'll take a tour I'll explore
Every abyss I will kiss
Baby your love I adore
Blood is thicker than water
these lyrics come from the heart
seeps through the ink in my pen
sinks into your different parts
You're my ocean my book
under your cover lie hooks
within your covers we'll meet
exchanging heat touching feet
Baby open up.
your story similar rhymes
I read it's filled with hard times
is rough
Allow me to write in you love
my lyrics go deep beneath the surface
I'm surfin searchin your waters
leave hidden treasures in parts of
you
regardless of who
has wrote(rode) on you before
cuz see the parts they ignore
I'll take a tour I'll explore
Every abyss I will kiss
Baby your love I adore
Blood is thicker than water
these lyrics come from the heart
seeps through the ink in my pen
sinks into your different parts
You're my ocean my book
under your cover lie hooks
within your covers we'll meet
exchanging heat touching feet
Baby open up.
Published 11th Jan 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 1045
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
12th Jan 2016 4:05am
like a flower blooming in the sun,
it's the light of love, if she's open to it.
rhythm & rhyme & sparkle in your poem...
it's the light of love, if she's open to it.
rhythm & rhyme & sparkle in your poem...
12th Jan 2016 1:13pm
Honey these poems are heaven themselves..and you readingthem..you have the touch. Just will have girls swooning 😝 and the laugh of relief at the end..cherry on top...
Inzta fan doll.
Love
J
Inzta fan doll.
Love
J
22nd Jan 2016 3:54am
13th Jan 2016 8:38pm
Great metaphor. I like these lines:
"I'm surfin searchin your waters
leave hidden treasures in parts of
you"
I love the fact that it was your 5th take because it shows that you're working on your delivery. You're not quite there yet, but you will be. Keep honing your craft and improving. Good work.
"I'm surfin searchin your waters
leave hidden treasures in parts of
you"
I love the fact that it was your 5th take because it shows that you're working on your delivery. You're not quite there yet, but you will be. Keep honing your craft and improving. Good work.
22nd Jan 2016 3:55am
Anonymous
23rd Jan 2018 1:06am
Another good write. I see where you could use more artistic language (take out the word feet and put something else there for that line), but a great write.
I noticed in some of your work you will put the word you want us to recognize in parentheses besides the metaphor. I suggest you don't do that. It isn't necessary for those that can pick up what you are putting down. For those that don't understand writing or poetry and are learning, it will help them think critically to not have that explanation there. Besides that, it takes away from the artistry of the piece.
This pen resonates. I'm in this space right now. Lol. I just need someone cool to come along or not be afraid to tell me he is already right here.
I love these parts...
Allow me to write in you love
my lyrics go deep beneath the surface
regardless of who
has wrote on you before
cuz see the parts they ignore
I'll take a tour I'll explore
Every abyss I will kiss
Baby your love I adore
I love the sentiment behind this whole write.
I noticed in some of your work you will put the word you want us to recognize in parentheses besides the metaphor. I suggest you don't do that. It isn't necessary for those that can pick up what you are putting down. For those that don't understand writing or poetry and are learning, it will help them think critically to not have that explanation there. Besides that, it takes away from the artistry of the piece.
This pen resonates. I'm in this space right now. Lol. I just need someone cool to come along or not be afraid to tell me he is already right here.
I love these parts...
Allow me to write in you love
my lyrics go deep beneath the surface
regardless of who
has wrote on you before
cuz see the parts they ignore
I'll take a tour I'll explore
Every abyss I will kiss
Baby your love I adore
I love the sentiment behind this whole write.
