deepundergroundpoetry.com

Wonderland

Take me to a place..
Where all my dreams come true..
Take me away to paradise..
Lead me down the rabbit hole..
Ignite the fire to my heart..
Help me burn brighter..
Intoxicate my blood stream..
Take my dreams hostage..
Show me the way to wonderland..
Show me the horrors and gore..
Show me the light and beauty..
Be the poison in my tea..
Be the glimmer in my eyes..
Be the shine to my sun..
Be my land of wonder..
Be the sweet symphony my heart desires to hear..
And when I awake promise you'll be my King of Hearts..

Written by SimplyScarlet_

Published 17th Dec 2015 | Edited 23rd Dec 2015

All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.

likes 3 reading list entries 1

comments 5 reads 750

Commenting Preference:

The author encourages honest critique.

Re. Wonderland

Leviathan1436 (Salty)

17th Dec 2015 3:49pm

Really good, I liked your usage of anaphora in the closing lines. Nice poem.

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Re. Wonderland

iHoe4Poe_

17th Dec 2015 7:44pm

This is so sweet, my heart is melting.

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Re. Wonderland

seekingkate (kateA)

19th Dec 2015 11:28pm

I enjoyed this read SS...as you've asked for honest critique, I'm giving it, always aware that poetry is very personal and what seems 'right' for want of a better word for some is not 'right' for the person who wrote it... :)

'Help be burn brighter' ... should 'be' be 'me'?
'Ignite the fire to my heart' ... would 'in' be better than 'to'?

While I like the usage of anaphora I feel there would be more 'strength' in the verse below (especially if performing it) if 'be' was deleted on the 2nd and 3rd lines giving them emphasis...
Also symphony is spelt incorrectly ...

'Be the poison in my tea..
Be the glimmer in my eyes..
Be the shine to my sun..
Be my land of wonder..
Be the sweet smyphony my heart desires to hear..
And when I awake promise you'll be my King of Hearts'