deepundergroundpoetry.com
my famous monster
Living with my yellow-headed nightmare
Accusation dwells in her dead-eyed stare
I coat her lips in vaseline
Splash her eyes with gasoline
Desire is somewhere in between
I love to watch baby burn for me
Silent words spill from her open lips
My skin under her dirt caked fingertips
I love the smell I love the sound
I love her when she's not around
I love her even better in the ground
The papers all read her name
She didn't even have to work for the fame
"What a beauty! What a shame"
What an end to a hollywood game
Different movie, but it all ends the same
Accusation dwells in her dead-eyed stare
I coat her lips in vaseline
Splash her eyes with gasoline
Desire is somewhere in between
I love to watch baby burn for me
Silent words spill from her open lips
My skin under her dirt caked fingertips
I love the smell I love the sound
I love her when she's not around
I love her even better in the ground
The papers all read her name
She didn't even have to work for the fame
"What a beauty! What a shame"
What an end to a hollywood game
Different movie, but it all ends the same
Published 22nd Jun 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 1156
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The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Jun 2011 3:37am
I Love How I Can See A Story Flashing Before My Eyes While I Read This. Very Entertaining.
22nd Jun 2011 3:57am
the story was my intention and I didn't know if it translated, so your comment is very helpful
22nd Jun 2011 4:15am
24th Jun 2011 3:21am
24th Jun 2011 3:32am
24th Jun 2011 10:52am
from your poem posted in the *You Choose* thread, which i thought was well put together. [:
this one was quite a nice way to tell the story, but if i were you, i would put this line:
"I love to watch baby burn for me" with the other "I love" lines, and if you eased up on the 5 rhyming lines in a row at the end it would feel less Seuessian... i'm one of those weirdos that likes rhyme around here, but it can be too much sometimes. take it or leave it, but overall it was well thought out and interesting. [:
this one was quite a nice way to tell the story, but if i were you, i would put this line:
"I love to watch baby burn for me" with the other "I love" lines, and if you eased up on the 5 rhyming lines in a row at the end it would feel less Seuessian... i'm one of those weirdos that likes rhyme around here, but it can be too much sometimes. take it or leave it, but overall it was well thought out and interesting. [:
24th Jun 2011 9:59pm
Thanks for the suggestion! the only issue I have with the change is that it's chronological right now, but I will take a look at the Seuss-ish-ness.
Anonymous
27th Jun 2011 11:01am
reminds me very much of some of the imagery that was floating around my head last night... it's quiet bizarre that the imagery is kind of the same! I even wrote it down! That's a wierd connection :/
I loved this though.
I loved this though.
