deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hopeing
when the morning sun rises
thinking of you
is the first thing i do
when i catch you in my sight
i wish i could hug you with all my might
but when you pass the 10 feet distance
i lose myself in an instance
i feel relief for a while
after you give me your little smile
you make me feel so high
i think im gonna start to fly
when it's raining and you're there
well i dont have much to say
you make the clouds go away
and its sunny everywhere
when you leave i feel alone
sorrow fills out my soul
goodbye to you i say
my heart starts to sway
night falls and i gaze at the stars
sadness surrounds me without your eyes
i dont think that anyone cares
about all those scars my heart bears
when i look at the moon
i see your face
hope that you will be with me soon
so you can fill my empty space
before the bed i always pray
one thing i most care
want you to hear what i have to say
so i can know if we dare
thinking of you
is the first thing i do
when i catch you in my sight
i wish i could hug you with all my might
but when you pass the 10 feet distance
i lose myself in an instance
i feel relief for a while
after you give me your little smile
you make me feel so high
i think im gonna start to fly
when it's raining and you're there
well i dont have much to say
you make the clouds go away
and its sunny everywhere
when you leave i feel alone
sorrow fills out my soul
goodbye to you i say
my heart starts to sway
night falls and i gaze at the stars
sadness surrounds me without your eyes
i dont think that anyone cares
about all those scars my heart bears
when i look at the moon
i see your face
hope that you will be with me soon
so you can fill my empty space
before the bed i always pray
one thing i most care
want you to hear what i have to say
so i can know if we dare
Published 19th Jun 2011
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
19th Jun 2011 8:22pm
*i feel releaf for a while
---Change releaf to relief
*when its raining and your there
---when it's raining and you're there
There were grammatical mistakes throughout this poem. I have to say...I like this poem just a little bit. A few changes would make this so much better!
I do not understand the purpose of "P.S.: don't get wrong the last one". It makes the reader wonder, which is good in poetry. Inference is a major key in poetry; make the reader think a bit.
I hope this helps. :)
---Change releaf to relief
*when its raining and your there
---when it's raining and you're there
There were grammatical mistakes throughout this poem. I have to say...I like this poem just a little bit. A few changes would make this so much better!
I do not understand the purpose of "P.S.: don't get wrong the last one". It makes the reader wonder, which is good in poetry. Inference is a major key in poetry; make the reader think a bit.
I hope this helps. :)
19th Jun 2011 8:41pm
well i wanted it to look like some street fellow wrote it to girl he likes..but guess that writing like that isn't ok here..and for the P.S. message i didn't want people to think that "so i can know if we dare" is because of sex..thought i'am grateful for the spelling critics..learn on your own mistakes..
Hi,
He knows there are grammatical errors in this poem, I told him that on Fb yesterday, and he told me he knew that, but if you just read the poem, neglecting the errors, I'm sure that you'll like it :)
+ he's new to poetry, so, be kind :)
That is all. :D
He knows there are grammatical errors in this poem, I told him that on Fb yesterday, and he told me he knew that, but if you just read the poem, neglecting the errors, I'm sure that you'll like it :)
+ he's new to poetry, so, be kind :)
That is all. :D
19th Jun 2011 8:23pm
If we neglect the spelling mistakes, it's great :D
But, I just don't get one thing, why did you write it for me :)
Fakat ne kontam zašto :)
Ummm, i malo si me šokirao samo da znaš, i ako hoćeš, možeš brisati komentare:)
But, I just don't get one thing, why did you write it for me :)
Fakat ne kontam zašto :)
Ummm, i malo si me šokirao samo da znaš, i ako hoćeš, možeš brisati komentare:)
23rd Jun 2011 6:44am
SPAILING? REALLY? Fuck that...it gets the point home, thats all that counts in my book. Good job m8!
23rd Jun 2011 8:55am
Anonymous
8th Jul 2011 2:09pm
Everyone has their own style and such, and with that is our own unique insights. If we discredit each other to certain degrees, than much of what we write gets demeaned and loses the overall effect. No one piece of writing is perfect, and probably never will be. All we can do is take from it what we can, and move on. Poetry is a very expressive form, that varies between person to person. You'll have those who have higher expectations, which those people have to find fault in others quickly so they feel more comfortable about their own shortcomings. I feel that this art is neither absolute or incomplete. Every piece of writing holds some merit, whether others can see it or not. And how are we to truly ever know how someone else feels? All we can do is get a glimpse by seeing that other persons words on paper. Yours are your own, and thanks for sharing! ;) Keep it up!
8th May 2012 7:37pm
19th Apr 2015 3:24pm
