Another Line

I hate myself more and more
with the disappearance of every white line,
I lose myself more and more
with every high,
and I hate you more and more
every time I come down,
something that started off so fun
turned into something dark and twisted,
I hate knowing
that it was me who pulled away
who ruined us
by becoming too involved in this world,
me that pushed you aside
for a more exciting life,
it kills me more than the drug ever could
to know that you tried to pull me back,
even after all the terrible things that had happened,
you that tried to shelter me
from returning to those ways,
I made excuses, begged you, made promises, told you I loved you
until you gave in,
but it was never the same as before,
we never found our way back,
too much had happened,
too many hurtful words and accusations had been spat,
there's no coming back from that,
there's not enough money to get "high" anymore,
the lines I do
are just enough to keep me awake,
in a state where all I do is think and remember,
I've lost myself completely in the drug, the danger, the betrayal,
I don't even know
how to be with you anymore
yet I can't live without you,
there are times when I question if I even still love you
or if i'm just clinging desperately to the past,
I would do anything
if I could take it all back,
I tell you I love you, that you mean the world to me,
I tell you I need you and beg you to stay
but then I snort another line
and you spiral away.