deepundergroundpoetry.com
Four wheeled devils
Four wheeled devils
Our personal Frankenstein
The devils gift
Some call it
The gift from hell
All the work
All the money
All the pain
For what?!?
Getting from A to B
Feeling stylish
Sure they look nice
get hypnotized by the chrome
The body
The tires
The interior
The gear nobs
That's their lure
their trap
their trap
"Come right in
Don't be afraid
I won't bite"
When you least expect it
flat tire,
overheating,
breaking parts,
out of gas
Whilst sitting on the side of the highway
sniggering behind your back
Looking innocent...
holding up a devil!
Our personal Frankenstein
The devils gift
Some call it
The gift from hell
All the work
All the money
All the pain
For what?!?
Getting from A to B
Feeling stylish
Sure they look nice
get hypnotized by the chrome
The body
The tires
The interior
The gear nobs
That's their lure
their trap
their trap
"Come right in
Don't be afraid
I won't bite"
When you least expect it
flat tire,
overheating,
breaking parts,
out of gas
Whilst sitting on the side of the highway
sniggering behind your back
Looking innocent...
holding up a devil!
Published 29th Oct 2015
| Edited 4th Jan 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 558
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th Oct 2015 7:33am
Hello Greg
Your concept here is brilliant
the message fantastic
I really like it.
From a poetry POV
I felt in reading it, that it was a heavy / long slow read, I think it takes away from the message a bit, I really think if you tightened your write up, you could do it justice. Something like this... see... (only an example)
"Four wheeled devils
a personal Frankenstein
the devils marvelous creation
Some call a gift
The gift from hell
the work
the money
the pain
nothing more
than a trip
A to B
feeling stylish "
This is just my honest opinion, use it- don't use it.
Thanks for the read... and opening my mind!
Al
[.]
Your concept here is brilliant
the message fantastic
I really like it.
From a poetry POV
I felt in reading it, that it was a heavy / long slow read, I think it takes away from the message a bit, I really think if you tightened your write up, you could do it justice. Something like this... see... (only an example)
"Four wheeled devils
a personal Frankenstein
the devils marvelous creation
Some call a gift
The gift from hell
the work
the money
the pain
nothing more
than a trip
A to B
feeling stylish "
This is just my honest opinion, use it- don't use it.
Thanks for the read... and opening my mind!
Al
[.]
29th Oct 2015 12:19pm
