Suicide

Another day goes by but today she cries instead of cutting or going for that rope, gun, bottle of pills she cries for hours falling asleep earlie to get those thoughts out hopeing to not wake up but then she remembers she can't die because she's alive for other people not for herself for other people,
She may be alive but she is slowly dying she's been dying since she was eleven,
But somehow made it another day just like she has for the past seven years,
She's giving up,
She hates school and getting on a bus to go home to a verbal abusive mother but she doesn't care she's used to it, she's used to all of this she's used to being used,
Used to not having anyone there used to crying herself to sleep on nights her baby falls asleep first,
Used to faking a smile faking everything,
But she's still living somehow and just doesn't know how to show she's really hurting and feeling so suicidal,
It's all she seems to think about
She overthinks everything but she can't help it
She just wants to smile not cry when ever she listens to music,
Trying to smoke and drink the pain away,
Cutting the pain away thinking about dying almost every day but even when she tries nothing happens cause she gets to emotional and weakens out of it but knows someday she will and her biggest fear is dying from suicide...