deepundergroundpoetry.com
Fear In Solitude.
Their bodies are still.
But their eyes follow me.
The room is still.
You can hear the whispers.
Yet you can't see the words.
I'm the only one moving.
Feels as if I'm the only here.
I can see the images of fading people.
Silhouettes of life that are almost invisible.
When I look in their eyes, an empty soul is what I see.
The room is dark.
The windows and doors are closed.
There is no way out.
I'm trapped.
My eyes close.
The room has been taken over by silence.
A silence that hurts your ears.
The only sound I hear is the hard pounding of my heart against my chest.
Beating so hard it almost physically hurts.
I can feel the beads of sweat roll down my face.
I open my eyes.
I'm all by myself.
Everyone is gone.
The room is dark and empty.
I'm alone.
But their eyes follow me.
The room is still.
You can hear the whispers.
Yet you can't see the words.
I'm the only one moving.
Feels as if I'm the only here.
I can see the images of fading people.
Silhouettes of life that are almost invisible.
When I look in their eyes, an empty soul is what I see.
The room is dark.
The windows and doors are closed.
There is no way out.
I'm trapped.
My eyes close.
The room has been taken over by silence.
A silence that hurts your ears.
The only sound I hear is the hard pounding of my heart against my chest.
Beating so hard it almost physically hurts.
I can feel the beads of sweat roll down my face.
I open my eyes.
I'm all by myself.
Everyone is gone.
The room is dark and empty.
I'm alone.
Published 14th Jun 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
14th Jun 2011 5:12am
i like this courtnee.
its pretty good, there are one or two things that might need a bit tweaking.
You can hear the whispers.
Yet you can't see the words.
it might be an idea to change this about a little bit, only because its hard to get what you mean by you cant see the words,
you can feel the whispers,
yet you cant hear the words
might work though you could probably come up with something else.
When I look in their eyes, an empty soul is what I see.
i am not sure about this line as it goes from talking about plural straight to singular.
i do get what you are saying though.
When I look in their eyes, empty souls are what I see. might work for you.
i think you have written a decent poem here and i like the way you have shaped the words. there is obviously some time put into it.
hope i could be of some help.
its pretty good, there are one or two things that might need a bit tweaking.
You can hear the whispers.
Yet you can't see the words.
it might be an idea to change this about a little bit, only because its hard to get what you mean by you cant see the words,
you can feel the whispers,
yet you cant hear the words
might work though you could probably come up with something else.
When I look in their eyes, an empty soul is what I see.
i am not sure about this line as it goes from talking about plural straight to singular.
i do get what you are saying though.
When I look in their eyes, empty souls are what I see. might work for you.
i think you have written a decent poem here and i like the way you have shaped the words. there is obviously some time put into it.
hope i could be of some help.
17th Jun 2011 4:50am
I definately agree on your critiques..and I plan on working on this one a little more! Thank you for your help, it will come in handy! :]
12th Feb 2012 3:14am
cant you hear every creak of the floor
& the shadows let your mind simply soar
seeing things that you know are not there
& you can almost feel fingers run through your hair
& you hear every sound of the night
the ticking clock can induce such fright
& all you can do is close your eyes & take a deep breath
& realize that there is nothing to fear...not even fear itself....
& the shadows let your mind simply soar
seeing things that you know are not there
& you can almost feel fingers run through your hair
& you hear every sound of the night
the ticking clock can induce such fright
& all you can do is close your eyes & take a deep breath
& realize that there is nothing to fear...not even fear itself....
Anonymous
30th Jun 2013 5:52pm
this is very vivd, I dig your style.
