deepundergroundpoetry.com
I...
I don't know what I want
I don't know what I need
I wouldn't tell you if I did
Cause I keep these things to me
I hide in my room
I cry in the dark
I dream the journey
On which I'll never embark
I wanna forget my problems
I want the rain to wash them away
I want to run to the desert
Instead of drowning in this liquid pain
I wanna hear music in sorrow
I wanna hear laughter in tears
I want purity to overwhelm the hurt
That's been building up inside of me for years.
I allow my pen to leak the anger overflowing
I shut my eyes to the hurt
I keep my emotions separate
But occasionally they mingle and flirt
I don't show my feelings
I hide them away
I cry while alone
I dream everyday
I want more
I allow less
I shut out shimmers of light
And keep the hollows of darkness
I don't know what I need
I wouldn't tell you if I did
Cause I keep these things to me
I hide in my room
I cry in the dark
I dream the journey
On which I'll never embark
I wanna forget my problems
I want the rain to wash them away
I want to run to the desert
Instead of drowning in this liquid pain
I wanna hear music in sorrow
I wanna hear laughter in tears
I want purity to overwhelm the hurt
That's been building up inside of me for years.
I allow my pen to leak the anger overflowing
I shut my eyes to the hurt
I keep my emotions separate
But occasionally they mingle and flirt
I don't show my feelings
I hide them away
I cry while alone
I dream everyday
I want more
I allow less
I shut out shimmers of light
And keep the hollows of darkness
Published 14th Jun 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
14th Jun 2011 00:48am
I feel like I'm beating up on you a bit but your poetry frustrates me. I feel like there is something good there, a lot of potential but it's almost like you're afraid to let go.
You have some greats ideas and lines in this poem, like keeping your emotions separate but sometimes they mingle and even flirt! Nice.
But then, when I'm reading the whole thing the flow meanders, and I lose my spot, trip up on a mistimed rhyme and I have to start again.
Don't take this comment too harshly, the upshot of it, is that I think you have a good base on which to build your poetic talents, just don't be afraid to get outside of your comfort zone.
You have some greats ideas and lines in this poem, like keeping your emotions separate but sometimes they mingle and even flirt! Nice.
But then, when I'm reading the whole thing the flow meanders, and I lose my spot, trip up on a mistimed rhyme and I have to start again.
Don't take this comment too harshly, the upshot of it, is that I think you have a good base on which to build your poetic talents, just don't be afraid to get outside of your comfort zone.
14th Jun 2011 1:19am
I'm not upset by this comment at all! Only being told when someone likes your work doesn't help you grow. So thank you for all the thoughts! The poems I've added so far are poems I've written a while ago that I liked. I've had writer's block and haven't written anything recently..but trust me, as soon as I do write something I'll take everything you say into consideration. Thank you!! :)
