Look Inside

She pondered him for a moment
Things, like new, are always the same
A honeymoon period everything is ‘a’ok’
He was well mannered, a proper gentleman
Opening doors and paying for everything
Never a harsh word, never a curse
Always put the bathroom seat down
He’d cook, clean, vacuum and dust
He considered my needs and wants first
Foreplay was amazing, never a chore
Even when he moved in with me
He was the perfect gentleman
3 months in the cracks began to appear
It always starts with the little things
Leaving the bathroom seat up
Not cleaning up after himself
He dropped the please and thank you
Foreplay became non-existent
No longer love making, he wanted fucking
And boy did he get angry a lot
Lots of shouting and cursing
Name calling, insulting my friends
Then he took full control
He decided when I could go out
He decided who I could go out with
He decided what I was allowed to wear
He decided what I liked or disliked
He decided one day to punch me
He decided one day to kick me
He put me in hospital
He took me out of hospital
He promised and swore on the bible
It would never happen again
It did
It happened a lot
My perfect gentleman was turning
Into the perfect bastard
I felt helpless, like the air I breathed
Was owned and controlled by him
I was all at sixes and sevens
I asked myself the usual questions
Why me? Was it all my fault?”
I felt trapped and alone
I felt worthless and weak
Then
I stopped
I started to reflect
To look inside myself
Then
I stopped
I started looking at him
Looking as he slept, soundly
Snoring like a potbelly pig
Then,
It hit me
I had to look deeper
I looked deeper
I looked even deeper
Into his heart
I pulled it out and up
Just to get a better view
It was still beating
I had the answer for that too
I looked and I saw nothing
Nothing different
His blood was red
‘God! There was o much of it’
But it was a normal red
There were no growths
No dark shadows
No demonic possession
Heart or soul
Maybe, just maybe
It was just me
After all