Cracked

I feel like my world is falling apart, and trust me
I get told every day that it’s my fault.
You’re destroying your children and dragging me
down, no matter why it’s happening and I am not
going to ask.

For eight years I put up with my fair share of you
beating me down with your words but that don’t
matter because you’re not living in the past.
Sorry to say the hurtful things you say don’t just
go away. I can forgive you but the forgetting i
s what is hard. You have said some fucked up
things to me, called all kinds of names.
You got to the point where you had me wondering
if what my ex did to me was my fault; did they beat
me cause of something I did.

Did my ex-husband kill my son because of me?
Am I just so fucked up that people would take
and kill my kids because of me?

I am thinking after you telling me that I am
messed up in the head and out to destroy
our kids that it might be better if I just die
Hell you already told me it’s always biter
before I get out of bed so maybe I should
just not wake up.  


Maybe then I could make you happy and
make you love me again
You have told me I am a demon from hell
maybe I should just go home my kids hate
me as you said my family is tiered of me
so what do I have to live for????


I hope one day you and my kids will see that
you have always been my life and that my love
for you four runs deeper than any river,

I have been told over the years I helped kill my
son and that I caused my ex to beat on me and
almost kill me.
So it must be true because my husband wouldn’t
lie or say something he don’t mean

I am done feeling this way and hurting everyone
I love so maybe the world would turn out better
if I was just gone