deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lust
Walking to a door
Twist the knob
Gently push it forward
Breathe in
Then out
Smell the victim's scent
Is it perfume?
Is is sweat?
Vanilla or mint?
Now...savour it
Keep walking let the dark take over you
Pull out a knife
Stab the victim
Feel the cold steel
Cutting down
Muscles
Arteries
Veins
Organs
Breaking bones
Leaving a pool
Of blood
Then stab a second time
Watch the blood flow
Walk out the door
Lust
Twist the knob
Gently push it forward
Breathe in
Then out
Smell the victim's scent
Is it perfume?
Is is sweat?
Vanilla or mint?
Now...savour it
Keep walking let the dark take over you
Pull out a knife
Stab the victim
Feel the cold steel
Cutting down
Muscles
Arteries
Veins
Organs
Breaking bones
Leaving a pool
Of blood
Then stab a second time
Watch the blood flow
Walk out the door
Lust
Published 26th Sep 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 8
reads 710
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The author is looking for friendly feedback.
26th Sep 2015 12:03pm
Good stuff here, see promise in your idea, could use more during middle associating bloodlust. Savouring smell of victim was good, then it gets clinical and sterile, no joy or hard on in the killing.
Great effort though! Interesting look into a psychopath s evil heart.
💋Jennifer
Great effort though! Interesting look into a psychopath s evil heart.
💋Jennifer
26th Sep 2015 8:40pm
Thanks for the feedback.I can go darker in my work but I was merely checking the water...My other work includes poems like The art of talking rubbish I think you may enjoy it.
26th Sep 2015 8:41pm
Thanks for the feedback.I can go darker in my work but I was merely checking the water...My other work includes poems like The art of talking rubbish I think you may enjoy it.
I absolutely will read more, love the title " art of talking rubbish, will get to it next. Wasnt really talkin darker hun, as you are obviously good at titles, they have to tie in in a real way. This poems impact would be much greater served if you showed killers fettish with blood let, or sex thrill kill. Call a poem lust, let it be lusty. Over the top was never as worse than not enough. You just commented on my friend scooters poem, he is one of the most talented writers on this sight, he got in incredible nuance of character, you asked for more detail, it needed none. His piece was brilliant. Take your own advice. Good stuff here highway. You want to get read, i would read and comment on every person that does you as courtesy. A good habbit to get into and helps you grow. Reading another of yours next.
With respect
💋Jennifer
You are now followed doll. Dont add more very often, because i try to read every piece and comment on every one i do. Kudos to your good start!
With respect
💋Jennifer
You are now followed doll. Dont add more very often, because i try to read every piece and comment on every one i do. Kudos to your good start!
27th Sep 2015 11:35am
That is my problem I'm just not sure how to get into more detail. Maybe time will help that. Thanks for the feedback my name is Greg. My username is Highwaytohell as it is named after a ACDC song call "highway to hell". Looking forward to more reading.
27th Sep 2015 9:48pm
And you are worried about a stalker ...tisk tisk oh dark one.. Welcome. Nice entry to this place. You will fit right in. <3
28th Sep 2015 7:09pm
Thanks...I quite like that name "oh dark one", I might just steal it from you
29th Sep 2015 2:37am
