deepundergroundpoetry.com
An open window
I wake up in the early morning
place my hand on her upper leg.
She turns away the first time
pushes my hand away the second.
I turn over to face the open window
where the clouds cry down
on the cars outside.
There is enough room
between us
for another person.
I think of valleys of rubble
ready for collapse,
but I daren’t move.
place my hand on her upper leg.
She turns away the first time
pushes my hand away the second.
I turn over to face the open window
where the clouds cry down
on the cars outside.
There is enough room
between us
for another person.
I think of valleys of rubble
ready for collapse,
but I daren’t move.
Published 9th Jun 2011
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likes 8
reading list entries 2
comments 9
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
9th Jun 2011 2:34pm
The last sentence is perfect. This poem I think proves that while there are no original themes there are original ways of expressing them. This could have been a hundred line epic of self-pity interspersed with images filched from Gothic horror, but instead you allow for intelligence in the reader.
9th Jun 2011 2:41pm
thank you very much sir. I am glad I decided to stop it where I did, otherwise what you mentioned could have made its way on to the page.
9th Jun 2011 3:51pm
refreshing. i love how you created such fullness here. even in just the first verse that could have stood on its own, but it was enhanced beautifully with the next. much respect for this piece of work, Mr. Townend.
9th Jun 2011 3:53pm
9th Jun 2011 5:44pm
i applaud your ability to express so much in just a few words and lines.
Fantastic
Fantastic
Anonymous
9th Jun 2011 8:35pm
<< post removed >>
9th Jun 2011 11:42pm
...love it. "Valleys of rubble". Wonderfull line, and a world of its own. Respect.
Anonymous
18th Jun 2011 4:57am
<< post removed >>
23rd Jul 2011 12:57pm
This is an example of how a moment in time can be captured by few words. Sometimes making a lengthy poem can lose it's ability to evoke feeling. Glad you went with the potent fewer words. :)
I too have experience such a moment, as I'm sure most have.
I too have experience such a moment, as I'm sure most have.
