deepundergroundpoetry.com
Silent Moon
Comfort I find in the silent moon
Living with her humbles me
Outside of her face I have no home
But inside of her I am free
She's been my mother of long ago
And my best friend in hard times
Without her I'm completely alone
What would I do without her light that shines?
Her tears cleanse my sins away
And save my soul from dark death
Without her soul I live in solitude
Honestly, there is nothing left
Sadly now she leaves me to rest
Her archenemy takes over the sky
But I know she'll come back to mother me
For if she stayed away I'd be left to die
Living with her humbles me
Outside of her face I have no home
But inside of her I am free
She's been my mother of long ago
And my best friend in hard times
Without her I'm completely alone
What would I do without her light that shines?
Her tears cleanse my sins away
And save my soul from dark death
Without her soul I live in solitude
Honestly, there is nothing left
Sadly now she leaves me to rest
Her archenemy takes over the sky
But I know she'll come back to mother me
For if she stayed away I'd be left to die
Published 8th Jun 2011
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8th Jun 2011 6:51pm
Jules...
Break the mould! Don't restrict yourself to this rhyming scheme. I've read about half a dozen of your poems now and they all seem terribly constrained as you try so hard to keep the rhyme going.
You have some good ideas, you just have to give yourself permission to open up a bit more and give yourself some greater freedom of expression.
Keep at it.
Break the mould! Don't restrict yourself to this rhyming scheme. I've read about half a dozen of your poems now and they all seem terribly constrained as you try so hard to keep the rhyme going.
You have some good ideas, you just have to give yourself permission to open up a bit more and give yourself some greater freedom of expression.
Keep at it.
8th Jun 2011 7:07pm
Yeah I do tend to stick to elementary forms of writing...I just feel when I try un-rhyming poems I lose the flow of them. Not quite sure how to strike a balance..
8th Jun 2011 7:17pm
Reading poems is almost as much of an art as writing them. However, to help you get a sense of rhythm and flow of a poem, trying reading it aloud, have someone else read it aloud, or record yourself reading it aloud and play it back. This might help you get a better feel for what it working and what isn't. I suggested these techniques to another poet here.
Remember that poems aren't songs, so the beat need not be regular, but words that are awkward, forced or unnatural will stand out from your poem when read (aloud or otherwise). This is why rhyming well is so hard.
Hope this helps.
Remember that poems aren't songs, so the beat need not be regular, but words that are awkward, forced or unnatural will stand out from your poem when read (aloud or otherwise). This is why rhyming well is so hard.
Hope this helps.
