deepundergroundpoetry.com
Bullet
You shot me centuries ago
I walk my dead heart still.
Bullet that entered in
Living its generations still.
I walk my dead heart still.
Bullet that entered in
Living its generations still.
Published 29th Aug 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
29th Aug 2015 7:51pm
30th Aug 2015 1:43pm
Not crazy about the repitition of the word still. A pet peave of mine, and bad play in poetry usually.
You tell me what the line
Living its generations still...means to you in reference to this work.
If you are fleshing out the bullet, making it anthropomorphic, it needs to be broadened some how.
If you are using brevity in this way, the words must be perfectly chosen, finessed and layed.
You tell me what the line
Living its generations still...means to you in reference to this work.
If you are fleshing out the bullet, making it anthropomorphic, it needs to be broadened some how.
If you are using brevity in this way, the words must be perfectly chosen, finessed and layed.
31st Aug 2015 9:14am
Thank you jen!
By 'living its generations still' I mean the pain shooter gave me is increasing day by day..
By 'living its generations still' I mean the pain shooter gave me is increasing day by day..
