deepundergroundpoetry.com
Efff
Fuck you
Fuck you and all that is
your stubborness
I'd surely won't miss
Fuck you and fuck all
of those ignored calls
and all those memories
you can't recall
Fuck you and fuck every
time you made me angry,
made me feel inadequate,
feel like a dirty secret.
Fuck you and all these
broken promises,
for the pain and betrayal
and how you made me fall,
for everything and for all
that was your selfish lust
and broken trust.
Fuck you for all the things
I did for you and all
the things I said before
when really I shouldn't
have said anything more
than fuck you and your little whore.
Fuck you and all that is
your stubborness
I'd surely won't miss
Fuck you and fuck all
of those ignored calls
and all those memories
you can't recall
Fuck you and fuck every
time you made me angry,
made me feel inadequate,
feel like a dirty secret.
Fuck you and all these
broken promises,
for the pain and betrayal
and how you made me fall,
for everything and for all
that was your selfish lust
and broken trust.
Fuck you for all the things
I did for you and all
the things I said before
when really I shouldn't
have said anything more
than fuck you and your little whore.
Published 8th Jun 2011
| Edited 26th Feb 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 4
reads 1311
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
5th Jul 2011 1:12pm
the use of 'fuck' would be a bad thing, but this surprisingly works. It's honest and outspoken. The one thing (which is actually two) I would say is take a look at the last line of the first verse, there is some tense issues going on. And, finally, I would drop the last line completely, I think it cheapens the whole thing.
28th Jul 2011 4:39pm
YES YES YES!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!! YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME BUT YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FEEL... I LOOK FORWARD TO READING MORE!!!! It's amazing really... just AH! awesome!
I can't say I'm a fan of the "fuck", I feel you could replace that with any word and it wouldn't change the meaning at all.
Having said that, it might be interesting to change every "fuck" to a "love" (except the "than fuck you and your little whore" line) and see how much deeper a read it becomes.
As someone already mentioned, I would lose the very last line as it doesn't add anything.
Anyway, sometimes it helps to get these things out, therapy through writing. However, to be an interesting read for others, I think it needed to take the reader somewhere, like a twist at the end or some insight into the story.
Having said that, it might be interesting to change every "fuck" to a "love" (except the "than fuck you and your little whore" line) and see how much deeper a read it becomes.
As someone already mentioned, I would lose the very last line as it doesn't add anything.
Anyway, sometimes it helps to get these things out, therapy through writing. However, to be an interesting read for others, I think it needed to take the reader somewhere, like a twist at the end or some insight into the story.
2nd Jul 2013 5:55pm
Other than the I'd in the last line of the first verse, "That I" would read better I think, I don't think you should change a thing. Fuck is an awesome word and shows emotions no other word can touch. Also, way to fucking vent! Great write!
