deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Wind
Wind is blowing with a sense of an evil mind
Love is fading from every human kind
Doves were buried on a prophetic night
Left with this wind, in faded ember we look for light
Nobody dream anymore, they drained the soul out of our lives
Live with nothing they rule the crowd with empty hopes and lies
Being no one to stand they build pillars on all four sides
Guarding the seed, the seed where humanity lies
Thousands of years passed; we are still fighting the war
The fight for survival, the fight for our souls
Some sang, “Don’t give up the fight” but all we did was sing along
Some sang, “They don’t care about us” but all we did was dance to the song
Slowly the wind makes you doubt your friend
Unable to trust anyone; they cornered you to an end
Give you a choice to perish your self or amend
Till you finally give up and sell your soul to them
Love is fading from every human kind
Doves were buried on a prophetic night
Left with this wind, in faded ember we look for light
Nobody dream anymore, they drained the soul out of our lives
Live with nothing they rule the crowd with empty hopes and lies
Being no one to stand they build pillars on all four sides
Guarding the seed, the seed where humanity lies
Thousands of years passed; we are still fighting the war
The fight for survival, the fight for our souls
Some sang, “Don’t give up the fight” but all we did was sing along
Some sang, “They don’t care about us” but all we did was dance to the song
Slowly the wind makes you doubt your friend
Unable to trust anyone; they cornered you to an end
Give you a choice to perish your self or amend
Till you finally give up and sell your soul to them
Published 18th Aug 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Aug 2015 8:02am
Its good. Some really gine places. You are stuck in rhyme here i think.
Take one line ex: unable to trust anyone they cornered you to an end.
Would that be there if you didnt need it for rhyme?
Dont waste a word.
Or do your best not to.
V nice start though.
Likes 💋
Take one line ex: unable to trust anyone they cornered you to an end.
Would that be there if you didnt need it for rhyme?
Dont waste a word.
Or do your best not to.
V nice start though.
Likes 💋
23rd Aug 2015 9:59am
Thank you very much for your time to read it.
I have no experience in writing poems. And I am not a reader, so don't about famous poets and all. I just write when I get an idea or from the first phrase
I had the feeling that poems needs rhyming. I kind a write my next lines focusing on the rhymes.
But after I browsing here I get the idea of the powerful poetry.
And thanks again, I am hoping to write a really powerful poem :)
I have no experience in writing poems. And I am not a reader, so don't about famous poets and all. I just write when I get an idea or from the first phrase
I had the feeling that poems needs rhyming. I kind a write my next lines focusing on the rhymes.
But after I browsing here I get the idea of the powerful poetry.
And thanks again, I am hoping to write a really powerful poem :)
