L O V E

Love starts with just a thought.
Your mind lingers, it hesitates, it falters.
It chokes back a doubt or two. It shakes a little. It sweats when it's nervous.
Your heart screams yes but there is doubt in its cries.
It screams yes despite how it's still piecing itself back together again.
It's hoping that this time will be different even though your mind has already reached the logical conclusion that it won't.

Your heart is at world war 7 with itself, with a few broken bones and still recovering from shell shock.
No amount of warnings, no amount of "wait a minutes", no amount of speed limits, no amount of "back the fuck ups" will stop your heart once it's falling.
Like a brick in a river, it plummets.
It tumbles deeper and deeper into the pit of adoration where you are waiting at the bottom, arms outstretched, smiling expectantly.

I never knew.

I never knew my heart could hold this much love. I never knew it could swallow you up and still have room for more.
Like an endless hunger, I crave you.
Like a fountain, ready to be filled with pennies harbouring hopeful wishes
I waited for you.
I waited with patience a saint would admire.
I waited to not be swept, but to be knocked clean off of my feet.

Love is about waiting.
Love is a hesitation.
Love is when your tongue fumbles clumsily over the words "I love you" and still manages to choke on the last syllable.
Love is drowning and using your last breath to whisper those three words that felt so ominous before.
Love is a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun: Love is dangerous.
Love is like running with scissors.
Love is crazy, mad, insane.
Psychologically infectious, contaminating your brain.
An impossible immunity,
It sickens me again.
Said I wouldn't get in too deep,
A selfish promise I couldn't keep.

And God I love you.
By God I love you.