side affects (of losing you)

you linger
like damp laundry
hanging on clothespins for days
without end.
like the lonely beads of water that
stained my cheeks,
you’re
still
here i remain with fingers
broken and frozen
into the curls they formed trying not to
lose
their grasp.
but you slid right through as you
became silk in my hands.

& here i stand with two black eyes from sleep
punching me in the face
each time i try to find it.
& my head pounds like waves against the surface
because your memories
scream inside me and they
upset the water.

& i have chapped lips from holding back
so many words for
so
much
time that they crack my skin,
craving
to slip through.
i couldn’t release them,
not even now.
my throat is
sore and raw from
choking
on all these tears.

& god how you should
be
here.