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burn 3/7/15
BURN. 3.7.15
Like waves it rolls through my body from the pit of my stomach down my legs to the tip of my toes and up my chest hitting my heart "thud", out my arms to the tips of my fingers, Anxiety that feels like an electric current running through my neck til it hits, fizzes and burns my brain. Brief moments of calm and then I remember, my heart and my head wont let me forget for too long. They are training me to toughen, block out the charm and remember the lies. My heart thumps so hard it won't let me cry yet. But its coming. The tears are on their way. There needs to be a flood. I hurt and I am ANGRY......so fucking "ANGRY", but he doesn't deserve to be present in the beauty of my emotion anymore. He needs to sit in the silence of my absence and listen to the echos in his own head. My head is full, its seaping out of my ears. My chest burns, branded with "fucked off" and "fuck you" and "you utter fucking cunt" .......and "im aching" and "im hurt" and "i don't want to feel this way".
I know these scars will heal, they won't disappear but they will fade. And I know I will grow and these bare branches will blossom again. And I know that I was good, I know I didn't deserve this, I know im not to blame.......I know I will not poisen my life with chemical band aids, I know as I sit here and my heart burns that in time........ I will be ok again.
Feel it, heal it. Let this process pass over you and just keep on going till you see the light again.
Don't use, keep breathing. Jft.
Like waves it rolls through my body from the pit of my stomach down my legs to the tip of my toes and up my chest hitting my heart "thud", out my arms to the tips of my fingers, Anxiety that feels like an electric current running through my neck til it hits, fizzes and burns my brain. Brief moments of calm and then I remember, my heart and my head wont let me forget for too long. They are training me to toughen, block out the charm and remember the lies. My heart thumps so hard it won't let me cry yet. But its coming. The tears are on their way. There needs to be a flood. I hurt and I am ANGRY......so fucking "ANGRY", but he doesn't deserve to be present in the beauty of my emotion anymore. He needs to sit in the silence of my absence and listen to the echos in his own head. My head is full, its seaping out of my ears. My chest burns, branded with "fucked off" and "fuck you" and "you utter fucking cunt" .......and "im aching" and "im hurt" and "i don't want to feel this way".
I know these scars will heal, they won't disappear but they will fade. And I know I will grow and these bare branches will blossom again. And I know that I was good, I know I didn't deserve this, I know im not to blame.......I know I will not poisen my life with chemical band aids, I know as I sit here and my heart burns that in time........ I will be ok again.
Feel it, heal it. Let this process pass over you and just keep on going till you see the light again.
Don't use, keep breathing. Jft.
Published 8th Jul 2015
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8th Jul 2015 11:55pm
12th Jul 2015 1:10pm
15th Jul 2015 9:17pm
Thank you guys for reading and commenting. Was feeling a lot when I wrote this. X
