Take a Break.

I can't lose you. You're my best friend, and I love you so much. But lately, I feel like you hate me. It's not all the time, and it isn't like it's constant anguish, but I needed to say something. I usually keep my mouth closed until there is so much on my mind I have to freak the fuck out. That's probably what I am doing now, but crazy people don't actually know they're crazy, right? I know I'm not easy to be with, and I am so sorry for that, and so grateful that you put up with as much as you do. I am however, fucking crazy. I know that. I know I am too loud, and annoying, and say stupid things a lot, and most of the time a six year old has more insight and intelligence than I do, but, you are my person. It hurts me when you treat me like I'm five, or when you call out my crazy in rude ways. I really am sorry that I can't be normal, and always be happy and not whine or get sad for no apparent reason. Maybe I am depressed, and bipolar, and going to the doctor would fix me, but I just, I need to feel like you like me. I feel loved, and I see that you love me, but love can't fix everything. If you don't like me, and you can't stand the thought of me, or you get so mad at me all the time, I can't do this. I don't think you grasp how much I love you, or how amazing you are for being with me, and I know I don't always tell you, and I know I forget, but I can't change that. I can't become a new person because you're angry. I know this seems like I'm making you out to be the bad guy, but you aren't. You're incredible, and I need to be as in love with me as I am with you, but I also need you to trust me, and believe in me. I need you to look at me, and be content. I need you. It's that simple, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I said we should take a break, and I'm sorry that you're probably freaking out right now wondering if this is the end, and I have cried more tears in the past half hour than I have since the last huge fight we had. I'm sorry I can't always say the things I need to. That's not how I work, so I wrote this. We don't need a break, we just need to be together more. Also, I was listening to collide while I wrote this, and I really like this song, a lot, and I just keep thinking of that. So, you should listen to it when you're done reading my sob story. I love you so much.