deepundergroundpoetry.com
A man and his Shadow
As the rain patters the sill
The Deathly Raven is perched
Silent and still.
Inside a shadow
Sways on the floor,
The Shadow of a man
No more.
Stripped of himself
Of his mind, of his core
The man of the Shadow,
A man
No more.
The Deathly Raven is perched
Silent and still.
Inside a shadow
Sways on the floor,
The Shadow of a man
No more.
Stripped of himself
Of his mind, of his core
The man of the Shadow,
A man
No more.
Published 16th May 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
I like it, I think you might have wanted to go a little futher telling the reader how the rain shows through this shadow of a man. The cold wind blowing colder through him. The rain might even go through them. Just trying to help.
20th May 2015 4:13am
Yes, this would definitely be one of the poems I expand upon. Either by extending the length of the poem or writing sequel type ones. I just need to remember to do this and not a new idea that just pops into my head. Though neither are really bad choices.
