deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Fire Dancer
Comments encouraged, welcomed, and wanted
The sensuous slide
Of skin on skin
The wordless cries
Of ceaseless begging
Thigh to thigh
Belly to belly
Secret to secret
We touch and touch again
Eyes shut for it
Is too much to bear
This bliss, this tempting mating
The rhythm of the flames
Inch by inch
A hand there
An open mouth
On the heat of my core
We are perfectly matched
The tiger and the dragon
As we drag ourselves
Through tangled bed sheets
A sudden gush of liquid
And the fire is quenched
Forehead to forehead
We lay panting
Until the kindling sparks again.
The sensuous slide
Of skin on skin
The wordless cries
Of ceaseless begging
Thigh to thigh
Belly to belly
Secret to secret
We touch and touch again
Eyes shut for it
Is too much to bear
This bliss, this tempting mating
The rhythm of the flames
Inch by inch
A hand there
An open mouth
On the heat of my core
We are perfectly matched
The tiger and the dragon
As we drag ourselves
Through tangled bed sheets
A sudden gush of liquid
And the fire is quenched
Forehead to forehead
We lay panting
Until the kindling sparks again.
Published 4th May 2015
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comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th May 2015 1:59pm
4th May 2015 7:33pm
I like the structure in this Zoe. I feel like cadence is good, there is passion but it leaves me wanting more. More of your personal experience, if that makes sense! It's a wonderful descriptive of two people together.
Zoe, I will share a few observations, hoping you comment in return.
This leads the reader down a sultry path to a brightly burning bonfire.
Stanza 1; Line 2 and 4; "Of" is unnecessary.
Stanza 4; Possibly this:
Inch by inch
Hand
Open mouth
Heated core
You have assembled excellent imagery, and less is often literally more. This being my humble opinion.
Quality work!
This leads the reader down a sultry path to a brightly burning bonfire.
Stanza 1; Line 2 and 4; "Of" is unnecessary.
Stanza 4; Possibly this:
Inch by inch
Hand
Open mouth
Heated core
You have assembled excellent imagery, and less is often literally more. This being my humble opinion.
Quality work!
5th May 2015 11:18am
You give me some interesting things to think about. I am very 'into' the way a poem flows and you have helped me see some different things to try. Thanks for your open and honest opinion!
