deep dark thoughts

My thoughts are getting darker
And because of budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel was shut off
The light will never make it way through
I'm just trapped in the dark
These thoughts are getting scary
I feel as if
If I were to die tomorrow no one would care or miss or anything  
They would just come to my funeral to laugh n say I'm a worthless piece of shit
Like I was told all the time in high school
If I were to die would I see Jesus?
Or is it just white light then we just don't exist anymore?
How do I get the dark thoughts to stop?
I can act happy when I'm not
No one ever knows what I'm feeling
Cause I act fine
I cry myself to sleep every night.
I just feel worthless
I feel like I annoy everyone and I get in everyone's space
And when i don't feel that way I feel invisible
I feel like no one cares about me
I just want to die and start all over as some one new
Someone that's beautiful and thin
Everything in not