“Sitting in the Corner of the Room”

Periods of lucidity amongst thoughts of violence
No one listens to me and no one cares
What I have to say I need a vacation because
My sanity is slipping more than it ever has before
I do not know how much longer I can control
The urges that dwell within me I need
To be locked away with the Key thrown
Away so that I can no longer escape I
Am a danger to myself and others
Sisters fathers husbands mothers wives sisters brothers
I am a danger to them all there is no catharsis
Here with this pen to paper there is just expression
Of my compression of emotions related to my repression of
Thought it is boiling and it needs to come out
Too much system of control I am being smothered
In it people cannot see what I see or view what
I viewed sitting in my corner or balled up in
My chair I am not there at all, my mind is elsewhere
Lost in fantasy, because reality is not what I
Thrive for it to be I feel overlooked and ignored,
People see right through me as if I am not there,
Perhaps I am not there perhaps that is my delusion
That I believe that I exist I think, therefore I am
Is indignant, because it assumes the existence
Of the speaker, as the teacher said, perhaps that is
My disease to believe I exist as I try to peddle
My words and make believe that I can live on them
My writing career like my love life seems to be stuck
In park my thoughts are profound, yet no one
Seems to listen to them I am crazy enough to keep
Trying though, with my little scribbles I post poems
That few eyes read, yet hoping that the right eyes
Will read them, hoping to jumpstart my career
Since the battery is obviously dead on arrival
I want to throw things and hurt people
Those thoughts are not normal I need my
Medication it is way past the hour for it
All I hear is excuses and I am tired of excuses
I am worn out, burnt out, tired of it all
I need to sleep, but there is no rest for the
Wicked, as they say, who are they, they say
A whole lot it seems, people accept their
Words without credifying the source, if that is a
Real word –

I am sure it is not, but it does not matter at all
I say it anyway, because it is a word that I created,
It is mine none, but the world can have it if it
Wants it, I do not care, I am not going to try
To trademark it or anything like them sick
Beats that got fired, something like that, I do
Not understand it life does not make sense, no
Matter how much that I try to make sense of it
I ask a girl out who is not interested in a serious
Relationship, but after we ended it she gets
Involved with someone else who she calls her
Boo, moves in with, and had a child with,
They end it, I date her again, but she does
Not want a serious relationship, and then
After that she gets into a serious relationship
With someone else I don’t know what the
Fuck is wrong with me that no one wants to
Get involved with in public I couldn’t date you
Because you are like a brother to me or I could
Not date you because you are too good of a
Friend for me to date and the last time I dated
Someone who I dated who I was friends with,
It did not end well, and now we don’t even talk
Anymore, so I cannot date you, so instead I am
Going to date a guy with a history of mental
Issues, who is prone to black outs when he gets
Angry and who once smacked his ex-wife
When she got into his face one time, does that
Make sense at all to you at all, she deserves
Nothing but the best, and I wanted to do my
Best, but she did not want it, she wanted someone
Else to try and give it to her, and who failed in that
Aspect, but what do I know, I dated a girl kind of,
But I could not tell anyone about it, because she
Was married, but we were not exclusive, because
She was a ho who was a nympho and would let
Just about anyone get with her, she had long term
Relationships at times until she got smothered and
Decided to get a replacement like a new car for an
Old one, who knows what I was thinking with that
One, she wanted me and it was nice to be wanted,
So I gave myself to her, and my heart was broken
Into many pieces, I tried to replace her, but I was
Juust a booty call it seems, no change in relationship
Status for me, and another one that I was interested
In, wanted to focus on her career but remains my drinking
Buddy, which is cool, I still have hopes for her, I gave
Her chocolate and a birthday card to tell her about how
Beautiful she was, she thanked me for it, on two different
Occasions, so I am every hopeful, I am also perhaps
Delusional, but who knows, am I just a friend with benefits,
Maybe that is all that I ever shall be, I pawn for one that
Got away, there are things that I could’ve done different,
But worrying over things is pointless and crazy in and of
Itself, whatever that means, who am I, and why am I here,
I am myself and I am here to burn my light bright before
My light burns no more, I can be the best at whatever I do,
And that is what I shall be, I do not seek to prove it to others,
I seek only to prove it to myself, what is the purpose of this
Ramble, I do not know, neither do I care, I just sit her balled
Up in the corner of my room, with billions of thoughts running
Through my head, all trying to find there place, but there is
No room for all of them, they push and they scream, and they
Will n ot let me rest at all, but there is no rest for the wicked,
After all, but I have said that before, I am starting to repeat
Myself, I fub find myself doing that a lot, having conversations
In my mind with people, so that by the time the occasion for
The conversation is to occur in real life, I simply go my way,
Because I do not like to have the same conversation twice or
Thrice, or whatever comes after that, but I digress, but not
Progress, because that is a type of cheese, I type, therefore I am,
So it goes, or so it went, or something like that, when it comes
To arguments, I often know what to say after the thunder has
Past, but at that point, it is entirely pointless, so I save the
Thought for latter, because I will probably have a conversation
That it can later be used for, so why not save it in my memory
Banks until a later time, like all that money that I had, but no
Longer have, because that is life, and from the moment you
Are born, you are struggling to survive the systems of control
Around you until you die, but death is just as expensive as life,
But that is a debt for others to pay, but that is just being
Selfish, I guess, or maybe I am just being mild natured
About life, perhaps you have to be cruel to be kind,
Otherwise people will take advantage of your kindness,
And cause you to repair the damage cause of their mistakes…
Oh well, that is life, I have unburdened this load from my
Mind, I could go on forever, but I won’t, that is a poem
For another day, that is a different burden that I will bear,
Life goes on, and a writer’s work is never done, the war is
Ceaseless, as the poet says, good day, and thank you for
Listening, as with the life of my lap top battery, this
Work is done, yet somehow incomplete –
Good da-
-20150501@1120