deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Feeling
The feeling of his lips against
mine sends chills all down
my spine, kissing me countless
times. Feeling his hands move
down my sides, and between
my thighs.
Its sweet love we want to make,
As we move from the bed to the floor,
we get undressed and are ready for more.
Moving up and down, i feel him in side of me.
mine sends chills all down
my spine, kissing me countless
times. Feeling his hands move
down my sides, and between
my thighs.
Its sweet love we want to make,
As we move from the bed to the floor,
we get undressed and are ready for more.
Moving up and down, i feel him in side of me.
Published 20th May 2011
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comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th May 2011 3:52pm
20th May 2011 7:25pm
I like this...concise.
I'm not big on rhyming but maybe rework this so that only every other line rhymes. Just a thought not a criticism.
I'm not big on rhyming but maybe rework this so that only every other line rhymes. Just a thought not a criticism.
21st May 2011 3:08am
I like the structure here, and the attention to rhythm. It feels a little incomplete; I'd love to see another stanza, or an ending with a little more "ooomph." Just a little constructive crit.
31st Jul 2012 8:21pm
I like the idea of the poem, but it might be even better to read if it had an organized rhyme scheme. Still a good piece, just wanted to throw that out there.
