It's my Problem

I get treated like shit in my house,
Sometimes I deserve it sometimes I don't,
I struggle to keep pretending that I'm fine,
I force myself not to cry,
I have a father who doesn't love me like he does my brothers,
I have a mother who is anxious all the time,
I have two brothers...
One mentally disabled and the other acts like an asshole,
I am the oldest,
I am mentally disturbed, broken, and a mess.
I try to act like I'm fine.
Faking my pain in front of others,
Lying that I'm okay,
I rarely ask for help,
I don't think I deserve it.
I don't think I need it,
It's my fault I cause this much pain to myself,
Right?
But if I'm right why do other say it is not?
Then who is it?
I know I cause problems,
I know other cause me problems,
But who is it?
Is it both of our problems?
That might be easier to believe...
We'll for me that is,
I should go to bed and sleep...
But I hope I don't cry myself to sleep,
After all all this pain that I feel it was caused by me,
I made my family treat me like this,
And I deserve this pain.