Diminished

Ten hours of a blender full of
cleaning, cooking, screams, laughter, tears, and toddler conversations.
Deliverance is nigh;
Tick tock, tick tock,
Hurry up hands!
Such relief when I finally see his face,
desperately ready to relinquish my burdens to his arms and lips, to take a short break, regroup.

He asks how I am..
Tired, its been a busy day.
He's exhausted, its been a long semester.
He wins.

Fumbling around the kitchen with more dishes after dinner,
and then shrill cries echo through the house.
No movement from the man at the computer.
I drop everything to contain the situation, but mommy is losing her shit.

I tell him I can't fix it, I'm starting to get angry,
and an intense headache is pounding away to add to the aggravation.
Hes had a headache for the past four weeks.
He wins.

He goes to bed, sleeps mostly undisturbed.
I stay up for hours staring blankly at kiddy cartoons trying to lull a child to sleep.
Four hours of broken slumber after hitting my pillow and I'm awake again.
I already know he's more tired, more frustrated, more everything than I'll ever be.
What's the point of even discussing it?

Emotionally diminished.
Tick tock, tick tock.