Drink It In

I am a mixed drink:
One part loneliness
Two parts rebellion
All a part of this mother fucking depression.

Downing the poison
One shot, two shots, three shots in
and now I'm drunk beyond all sensation.
Yet, here I go,
Wiling and riling up for round two
Drinking down this endless bottle of self-harm.

And there's no stopping me now,
No one even knows how.
The booze is kept under lock and key
Where no one's allowed but me.

My mind becomes my reality
And my actions solely based in cruelty.
There's no denial,
and this is no trial, run.
I bought the program,
everything's connected now,
And here I go running.

So come play this game with me,
dive right into the ring with me,
how many more ounces can get inside me?
You wanna know how far I can go.
You wanna know where my lines are
Disarm, forewarn
I know how to find them.

Come one, come all,
Let's go and go and go on
Pour me some more,
four more,
five more,
six shots now.
Don't stop pouring my poison now.

Revel in the control
as long as we can!
Shut out everything as if we were clams,
The ocean currents are strong,
We ditched our floaties
We dove off the nearest pier,
With fake confidence covering heart-eating fear.
We love this.
We do this.
We always think about this.

Yours and mine,
Our minds drink it all in,
Soak it all in and stay thirsty for more.
Store it away for a rainy day?
Hell no, not when the rain falls everyday,
Wait for nightfall?
Hell no, not when daylight calls.

Let's forget everything
That once kept us sane.
Under cover of darkness
And freedom of day
Moonlight and sunlight
Offer a welcoming blindness.

This is our choice.
This is my choice.
My one and only choice-
Keep quiet the inner voice
And its soft, objecting noise.