deepundergroundpoetry.com
Jealousy's Embrace
Green sleeves of Jealousy,
That bring us together
whether I let go without a taste,
a waste of dignity, and hastily
I move in closer, closer to your face,
bringing you in tightly
in Jealousy’s embrace.
I do not know my purpose,
but I know my own desires.
The fires igniting between us
as two bodies cause friction.
An addiction to you,
I threw passion and lace,
tying you softly,
in my Jealous embrace.
What I have is not enough,
what I need I cannot own,
I have sown a seed of spite
that might bleed my Jealous tone.
I am calm with your attention,
I am ferocious in the chase,
I live by the invention
of the envious embrace.
That bring us together
whether I let go without a taste,
a waste of dignity, and hastily
I move in closer, closer to your face,
bringing you in tightly
in Jealousy’s embrace.
I do not know my purpose,
but I know my own desires.
The fires igniting between us
as two bodies cause friction.
An addiction to you,
I threw passion and lace,
tying you softly,
in my Jealous embrace.
What I have is not enough,
what I need I cannot own,
I have sown a seed of spite
that might bleed my Jealous tone.
I am calm with your attention,
I am ferocious in the chase,
I live by the invention
of the envious embrace.
Published 20th Feb 2015
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21st Feb 2015 00:57am
the second use of jealous embrace seems slightly forced, even easily placed just for the rhyme
The sentiment behind the write is admirable though, I love the acceptance of jealousy keeping interest or perhaps even excitement intact, even if I still imagine it would remain dysfunctional forever in such cases
Less repetition would be nice, creating a feeling of greater depth
Yet still I enjoyed this
Nice, honest work
The sentiment behind the write is admirable though, I love the acceptance of jealousy keeping interest or perhaps even excitement intact, even if I still imagine it would remain dysfunctional forever in such cases
Less repetition would be nice, creating a feeling of greater depth
Yet still I enjoyed this
Nice, honest work
21st Feb 2015 1:16am
I appreciate it is a little forced, it doesn't sound forced when I read it but it's open to the way in which it is read. I myself am a huge fan of repetition to get a point across, it's not something I use in my poetry all too often but when I do I overuse it a little (I think I use it a lot in the poems I have posted on here though).
