Self-Hatred

Have you ever been there?
That gloomy place of hate,
Have you ever seen the monster,
That self-hatred creates.

Out of the imagined,
It pops and takes a form,
Actions negate intentions,
Then realization dawns.

You realize you're not who you thought you are,
You shiver in the terror,
The unseen changes inwardly visible,
Scared to look into the mirror.

Sad and completely hopeless,
You hate what you're becoming,
Even at that you can't help it,
Can't stop the hands of time from turning.

If only it could turn backwards,
Rewind to innocent days,
When the mind was free from the knowledge of evil,
Happy with the childish ways.

Now how can I describe myself?
A burden to friends and family,
Caught in a maze of distress,
Gradually crossing the line of sanity.

Look how empty I've become;
Where are all the dreams?
Sad,silent and stunned;
But something inside screams.

Screaming for freedom,
From this ugly personality it bears,
But he's a worthless piece of sh*t,
And hope ain't lurking there.