Underwater past

I was treading water till it took me under I try to retreat into my mind, to hide all these feeling I am having inside. Didn’t you notice how much I been screaming? Is this just the beginning, I’m taking the beatings inside; my heart slowly stops beating as I cry. Where is the know-how, where is the freak out? I’m scared of my past because it keeps pulling me under, under, and slowly drowning me! I want to know what is real… I’m scared of the past… what are my feelings?