deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Words
Epitome of innocent... These reads. My thoughts synthesized, potion I’ve strived to perfect my spoken. I despised, loathed for posting. I rodent burrow them. Pages, example of time I’ve loaned, where my create stems....So devoted, now add patience... annoyed you may evade...Afraid to skim? Gentle memos I print... Extreme opposite of your main listen diet... Deviate an eye to my prize... One second suffice... Just magnify... Hope the curious try the offspring of my bright...My Smile in line form... Formed from my blind adore, realm beyond the norm ... How is this a chore painting with colors galore I've never used before... artistic strokes... Broad but the purpose ain't forced.... on the blank board,hordes... only see layer top most but there is more; gain reward if you shadow arrow towards investigate, understand through exploration...great weights of dirt sifted if the world would excavate my vision... My "writtens" strangled by a lack of witness...don't define mine by text message of whack or interest...define by ignorant or significant... When I finish I start again...
Published 29th Jan 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
29th Jan 2015 10:04am
Extremely spacey and dreamlike with some interesting phrases (my smile in line form, my writtens strangled by a lack of witness)but unrefined in all manner of speaking (assuming poetry as a measure of abstract craftsmanship, which it is generally presumed so) I completely understand the nature of your work however, I too write in complete free-associations in order to reflect the curious workings of my idly creative mind, but I do believe that this kind of utterly disjointed and difficult to connect poetry will be too thick and will ring pretentious or pontificate to your casual reader of poems, I will say however, that there is more depth in some of your lines that in entire poems posted here, and because of this fact alone, you have the natural gift to be a great poet as your thoughts enter domains unheard of to western ears, you must bring back these abstract shards and deliver them with tour de force wit and concrete surreal imagery, not this silly childish gobbledygoop that appears the handiwork of an intriguing schizophrenic, you are greater than this oh yes, you are leagues greater indeed. This is of course just my advice, take of it what you will, I wish you well in all manners
29th Jan 2015 2:08pm
Thank you for the honesty. Very humbling. I think unrefined and gobbledygook best describes my mind in general. As well as awkward and busy. I assure you on the outside I blend in well though. :)
