Wallowing

trace my steps
back to the void
I'm looking in
I am destroyed
defeated not by
the victor but
by the game

the engine died
the motor blew
the head is cracked
the pistons strewn
to and fro they
pressed and pressed
the fire in the belly
of the beast now rests

the tick tick ticking
confounds me so.
I feel that I
cannot let go
of burdens I bore
ages before
I once had divorced
my mind from my soul

Oh fraptious day!
caloo calay!
who am I kidding?
I just want to play
but again I am beaten
not by the victor
nor by the game
I have lost this day
to my own brain.