The Sin of Trust?

This life I live has changed, crossing the volcanic embers into the fireflies soothing dance that plays its taunts on our emotions. As it passes it mesmerizes us into a transfixed trance permitting our souls true and foretold as they were feelings for the death of a loved one or a decision that cannot be diverse in its nature.

I have lived this life on the cliffs edge and now the gods have favored me. Why I ask? Why has it been a long and arduous time spiral of ups and downs!
I ask myself this for I am in content. I have achieved! I have succumb the apex of fruition,fulfillment and glory. I CAN STAND, TALL! no one will break me for I have become what I wanted. I sit at the top of a cold mountain sided with mans best friend to glimpse into the valley of the future and I see what I have always dreamed of and always wanted but is it real?
Is this a mere allowance that is portrayed once again on me like that of a child who can have simple petty cash for simple deeds.

I ask myself should I be reliant on one person to pull and hold and stand in my shadow to be eternal in her grasp to tunnel me through the ashes once they thicken deep with their virtue. I reside with her, trust her, abide by her, she is the very existence I breath, walk and act. My trust cannot fathom itself consistent which makes my self belief that previous acquaintances have conveyed there ways onto my very being scared like a driver incidentally takes a young life inebriated behind the wheel.

I stare into the shadows...
I see the whisper of all that is true...
but myself cannot atone its soul for its mishaps...
I leap into the realm of consciousness and force my desires for an infinite reality I so possess...
I ask myself will I ever be worthy.