Uncertainty

There was a time when the planets and the stars have aligned
But that time I was certain it was the impossible
Perhaps like us two we were never meant to cross paths, though we did
And that made us unstoppable
The roads we chose once so bright now has turned so dark
In an alley where no one would dare to go
Not even a single light would spark
What happened? Why did it end up like this? What did I do wrong? I ask.
I gave my all, my everything. But it seems it was thrown away
How could you do this? How could you kill me?
Rage controlled over my dismay
The thoughts of it still haunts me
Broken by it. Torn apart. Disbelief reigns.
I will forever hate you. I promised.
But why can't I? I promised myself! I can't lie!
Why are you doing this to me? I've considered you gone and now you've returned.
For what? To break me again?
So much pain you've caused me. So much broken pieces I've shattered into.
Just because of the love I had for you.
Every thought, an aching feeling upon my chest.
I'm bitter? Perhaps.
But no. It's worse.
I'm scared. I'm afraid.
Afraid to give it all again. Afraid to lose it all.
Afraid to think that I'm the only one, when doubt invades my wall.
It's harder now you know
After all those times, what made you so brave?
How can you possibly end this sorrow?
How? When all I could remember was how I was tormented by jealousy, by hatred, by pain, by suffering in my grave.
A martyr I called myself. Bearing these and not even letting go.
You know why? I surely hope so.
I don't hate you. I can't. I'm just uncertain of what I'm supposed to feel.
All was forgotten.
Everything was burned down.
Even if it was all real.
For me. I guess.
You can't blame me. There's still doubt and jealousy nobody can take that away.
So how, may I ask can you be sure that this time, this time we'll both stay?