hope is not lost

there was a building up and breaking down back through again. this time was different. the inevitable end was not a reason to unravel it all before the knot pulled free from the anchor. four months longer than the shortest attempt, when attempt at all heralds an achievement. hope is not lost, but what does hope pertain? where is it safe to lay it? with him, he may fortify the fortress and hope no others try to breech it. with I, a misguided attempt, a failed hope to find a fault in which the weakness allows me to enter. silence, emptiness, non-attachment. receding back into the vastness of an Eternal Love, where mere mortal dalliance creates minuscule specks on a perfectly crystalline lens. looking through i see there was no other choice. there were a million choices before, but had i followed them....well...that is the point of departure which makes it harder to take flight again. but here i am. with the choices i did make, sifting through the consequence and weighing in on realistic doses of sobriety or indulgence to help investigate the pain. but in the heat of it all, i wrote it out in a way that likely made you crumble inside reassurance of what you already felt. what do you think of them all? the words which always say but do not explain.

what will be your reply?

hope that you will. even into the silence, the thoughts that plagued your dreams, and while i was dreaming in your arms, what landscape held you? there is still a chance. i made the pool crystal clear and perfectly still. did you see your own reflection peering back? i never meant to make your skin crawl. i only meant the rate at which my neurones fire to be felt within my gaze. and i think you saw it. i think you felt it, and something shifted, and for someone who stood still so long it scared you. but surrounded by my choices, i leave you buried in your own. are you too scared to face me? hope that lingers. cynicism runs rampant, but the small voice says stay. is it mine, or ours? picking up the pieces the image remains whole. integrity intact. much further and deeper and wider to be gained. did you learn something? we went pretty far without moving at all, we dug up our ghosts and made a shallow grave. you are so beautiful. hope is not lost. i will wait a long winter because the seeds are sown. will you water them? hope is not lost. i will wait through the spring. will you nurture a tender soft bud? hope is not lost. if the summer bears no fruit, at least the sun arrives to warm our sunken souls. hope is not lost.