fox stone

I am tired.
not the exhausted type,
but the kind that makes you sad.
overwhelming depression.
the kind that makes you lose hope.
im not entirely sure If I had hope to begin with.
what does hope feel like again?
I must have forgotten.
there has been a different feeling in the air these days.
am I the only one that feels it?
I mean, do you ever feel like becoming invisible
or just disappearing all together?
that mindset has been my only friend these days.
what if I pack tonight?
Could I really leave it all behind?
the comfort.
the warmth of love.
the ambition.
the human contact.
the good conversation.
the more I ask myself these questions,
the more begin to wonder if I had them in the first place.
these things leave me emptier everyday.
every breath.
maybe im tired of life.
I dont know if a change of scenery will make a difference

I guess I can say ive been having trouble figuring things out.
everything has kept my mind on the verge of lockdown.

Like a couple weeks ago I saw a fox in the woods before school.
this fox was the most beautiful animal I have ever seen.
its bright orange coat with white mixed in and black legs.
the light beamed on him through the trees and made him the center
of the forest.
I was amazed.
this magnificent animal took my breath away.
I am still unsure why I keep thinking about it.
I should be thinking about other things like jobs,
or education.
I guess nature I just beautiful to meand I can never
get it off my mind no matter what!