Cough: three existential ramblings

#1

The cough blocks out all thoughts,
Every would be attempt
At solving this life.

Ephemeral? Or transcendent?
I dwell in mind a battle I cannot win,
Until the day I die.

Until the day I die?
You've seen the yogis and the Sufis,
Coming to eternal life.

You've seen many a holy man,
And I yet it does not suffice.
You live on the bitter plains of doubt.

#2

The smoke has sprung a second time,
The cough has gone,
I find instead a comfort and a voice.

I find harmony, euphony,
I seem to forget the perils, the fright
That comes with disbelief.

Suddenly, upon distraction
I do remember and I fall,
Whatever isn't perfect breaks my spirits,

As my own consciousness is interrupted,
As I see the whole castle tumble down,
After the yielding of a minute card.

#3

The cough has come back,
The pangs it brings as well,
The chest pains and the itching throat.

But the distraction has gone,
The sun shines brighter than ever,
Although the blinders are down.

I catch the light in more than a way,
I have it: I think that, as this warmth
Has given me what I need,

The heat I cried for in strenuous silence,
One only cold can bring,
Such as I have found truth there,

In the sunlight that beams down on me,
So has everyone's material wants and needs,
And weather or not they are met,

Is what determines, in more than a way,
Who they are and what they believe.
Is Marx smiling below me? Above?